lisamikeplus3

G's 4th birthday!

2008-12-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

I can't believe the peanut was 3 yesterday, and 4 today. My how time flies. We celebrated over pizza tonight at the Brickhouse Tavern. Gregory didn't eat much other than the green icing off his cupcake. But who cares. It was his birthday.

Two out-takes

2008-11-29T10:19:00.001-08:00

from our Christmas card photo shoot on one of the many bridges at Newport News Park.

Just say no

2008-10-27T20:05:00.001-07:00

Niko and Lena came home from school chanting:

"No, no, we won't do drugs. Because we love our bodies too much."

Welcome to "Just say no" week at Hilton Elementary School.

The school will reinforce the message this week in a variety of ways, including allowing the kids to wear silly socks on Tuesday and their clothes backwards on Thursday.

And while I agree with the message, after listening to the chant for about an hour, I was ready for a new tune. So I asked Niko and Lena a question:

"What are drugs?"

"Umm. Well, umm. I don't know," Lena said.

Uh oh. What good is the message, if the kids have no idea what it's about, what they are supposed to say "no" too?

Is it a pill? A board game? A dance move? A powder? A piece of candy? Something you put in a pipe and smoke?

Now don't get me wrong. I don't think it's solely the school's responsibility to teach the kids about drugs. In fact, I think the responsibility lies squarely with the parents. And I did use this as an opening to talk with Niko and Lena about drugs, a conversation that will be ongoing for the next decade and a half at least. But if the school is going to send out a "just say no" message, it has to be more than a platitude. It has to mean something. Which means they have to back up the chants -- the easy part of the lesson -- with real solid and practical information about what to say no to, and how to do it.

Carpe Diem

2008-10-07T19:11:00.001-07:00

Thomas Alan Gosser
January 1999 -- Oct. 6, 2008

I met Tommy when this picture was taken two years ago. He was 7.

No journalist I know actually wants to interview a 7-year-old, let alone interview a 7-year-old about his cancer.

But Tommy was different. This little first-grader comfortably answered questions about what he called his "exciting and traumatic adventure" with Ewing's sarcoma, a rare cancer of the bones and soft tissue. I still remember sitting there in the family's sun room that day praying that one day I wouldn't be back there talking about Tommy in the past tense.

It's a prayer that wasn't answered.

I was back in that sun room about 10 days ago, talking to Tommy's father for a story I would put in the paper after his son died. Young Tommy was asleep in a hospital bed that was the focus of the next room. And his dad, while talking about his son's death and his legacy, often looked away from me to that enormous bed and the tiny boy in it.

I talked to his father again yesterday after Tommy died. His mother was with him when he died at about 4 a.m. Monday.

So very sad. So many missed opportunities. Tommy will never go to college, never fall in love, never get married or have kids.

It reminds me how important it is to seize the day.

Proud mama

2008-10-04T18:40:00.001-07:00

I am so proud of the twins. Today was their first swim meet. And while I don't know whether they won or placed or even qualified, they had fun and are already asking about the next meet.

It was a long day. It started out with a 15-year-old teammate falling down on her back on the slick wood floor and having to be taken out on a body board by EMTs. Luckily, while she cracked a vertebrae, I'm told her spinal chord is intact and she will be fine, albeit pretty uncomfortable for a while.

The meet (a tri-meet between three teams with a total of 200 swimmers) started late and was not quite over when we left five hours later. It was a long day, with a lot of down time sitting around between races.

I was able to see all three races for each of them. They both swam freestyle, the freestyle relay and backstroke. Lena actually came in second in her heat in back. And she even was willing to go off the starting block -- a first -- for the relay. I was so proud of her for that. Usually her personality is one that is quick to believe she can't do something before she even tries, most especially if there are people watching. So to see her take her mark and go (with a little nudge tap from me) made me so incredibly proud. And it got me choked up. These happy moments always bring the tears to my throat. What a sap.

The kids played nicely in the gym while they waited between events. Lena colored and did puzzles and played war with a girl from school, while Niko made friends with some of the boys on the team. At the end of the day, he and Noah hugged goodbye and added "see ya Tuesday!"

Finally -- some reflections on Disney World!

2008-09-23T20:34:00.001-07:00

I said goodbye to the Magic Kingdom last week, and I must admit, it made me a little sad. When we left exactly two years ago, I had already decided I would save every penny I could scrape together to bring us back to Disney World in 2008. And I made it. But this time I’m not so sure when we’ll be back.

So I guess it’s good that we accomplished so much on this trip – visited all four theme parks and one water park, rode more than 40 attractions (some more than once) and met 27 of the kid's (especially Gregory’s) “character friends.”

At the risk of boring you, here’s the rundown of some of what we did each day (with a few cool nuggets and tips along the way):

First afternoon/evening: Even before our luggage caught up with us, we put on our suits and took the bus and the monorail to the Polynesian Resort to swim and have dinner. There’s no way we could afford to stay there now. But when I came here as a kid it was actually the affordable hotel, and being back there for the first time in decades brought back some strong memories for me. Some things never change. The trash cans still have the same designs. The pool is still fabulous. I almost felt like I could close my eyes and find my way to one of our old rooms (where we ate pb&j for breakfast and lunch to save money).
Insider tip: The pool at each hotel says it’s only for guests at that hotel. But no one checks your Disney pass.
Trivia: There are nine acres of employee passageways under the Magic Kingdom.

If it’s Sunday, it must be the Magic Kingdom!
I made my first trip to Disney World in 1972, back when the only park was the Magic Kingdom and even before Space Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean. Which is probably why it remains my favorite park at Disney.
Here’s a rundown of what we did on our first day:
In Fantasy Land: It’s a Small World (straight from the 1964 Worlds Fair), Peter Pan’s Flight, Dumbo the Flying Elephant, Pooh’s Playful Spot (where G met Pooh, Tigger and Darby), The Many Adventures of Pooh, Arielle’s Grotto.
In Toontime: Mickey’s Country House, Mickey’s House (where G. met Mickey and Minnie) Toontime Hall of Fame Tent (where everyone met Cinderella, Auroa, and Belle) and Walt Disney World Railroad.
In Tomorrowland: Indy Speedway, Tomorrowland Transit Authority (I remember what it was called the WED People Mover) and Buzzlightyear’s Space Ranger (all N&L).
As we were leaving, we noticed the streets were lined with onlookers. We had happened upon the daily “Dreams Come True” parade. I have to admit, I’m not a big parade person. But again, I make exceptions for Disney. I almost got choked up watching the kids wave at the characters and the floats as they passed by.
Dinner: San Angel Inn Restaurante in Mexico (EPCOT). While we were there, we rode the Gran Fiesta Tour Staring the Three Caballeros (several of us rode it twice).
Insider tip: If you are planning a trip to WDW, the first full week after Labor Day is the week the least people visit. In fact, in the last few years Disney has offered their dining plan (it would have cost us more than $750) for free that week in an attempt to bring more guest in.
Trivia: Disney World is 47 square miles and has 55,000 employees.

Monday: Hollywood Studios
Here Gregory was thrilled – he got to meet so many of his “character friends” – Leo, June, Quincy, Jo Jo, Goliath, Handy Manny. And the twins got to meet the yellow, green, pink and blue Power Rangers. What a thrill! And we lucked into catching the beginning of the High School Musical show just after walking into the park.
Dinner: Probably our favorite from this trip: Boma, the African buffet at Animal Kingdom Lodge. It was kind of a pain to get to – had to take a bus to Animal Kingdom and then a second bus to the Lodge. But it was well worth it, if just for the chocolate mousse!

Insider tip: Make your dinner reservations as early as you can. Even during the off-season, reservations fill up quickly.
Trivia: Animal Kingdom is a member of the Association of Zoos and Aquariums. The park is 500 flat acres that were built up with 4.4 million cubic yards of dirt.

Tuesday: Blizzard Beach
After one day of traveling and two days of touring the parks, the “lazy rivah” (as Gregory took to calling it) was a great way for adults and kids to recharge. At first Gregory hung back. But he quickly remembered he could swim, and from then on it was hard to keep up with him. We spent an hour on the lazy river and rode the sky ride and the Teamboat Springs family raft twice. Then we headed back to the hotel early to rest up for our big evening out.

In 1972 my parents took my brother and I to the Luau at the Polynesian Village resort. Many things at Disney never change. This isn’t one of them. Thirty-five years ago it was an immersion in Hawaiian dance. Today it’s more like Hawaii meets High School Musical. But still, it brought back memories of my dad and a grass skirt.
Insider tip: The best way to get to the Polynesian Hotel Resort is the monorail. Most people don’t know that if you ask, and if there’s room, you can ride in the front with the driver. Riding up front changes the ride from transportation to an experience. But only four people are allowed in the front at a time. So if your group is bigger than that, figure out ahead of time who gets the experience, and who gets the transportation. But if you’re going more than one stop, you can always get out and switch spaces.
Insider tip: pack some soap and shampoo from your hotel room and you can clean up in the shower there before heading home.
Trivia: Waves in Melt-Away Bay run 45 minutes out of every hour.

Wednesday: Epcot
Once known as the EPCOT Center, or the Experimental Prototype City of Tomorrow Center, the park was new when I made my second trip to Disney in the 1970s. It’s kind of preachy and dated, but back in vogue now that we’re all talking about being green again.
We started our day at the park at Spaceship Earth (thankfully they upgraded the script) – which Gregory called the “Ball Ride” since it’s the ride through the big sphere that is the icon of the park. It was Gregory’s favorite – so much so that every time we came back to Epcot we had to ride the ball ride!
Other attractions: Test Track (actually, M, N and L were in line, when a fierce thunder storm popped up and they closed the ride), the Seas with Nemo and Friends, Turtle Talk with Crush, Soarin’, Living with the Land.
Autographs: Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Chip and Dale, Goofy, Belle.
Dinner: Actually, we had a late lunch at Le Cellier Steakhouse (even though we called months in advance, this was the only reservation I could get). I pretended there wasn’t bacon in the cheddar cheese soup (it was fabulous, and what’s a vegetarian to do?). I had the salmon (again, I felt silly ordering seafood in a steak house, and I have to say I’ve had better) and chocolate mousse for dessert.
Insider tip: The only ride at Epcot closed for rain is Test Track (the kids experienced that in person).
Trivia: Construction of the 260-acre park was the largest private construction project in the U.S.

Thursday: Animal Kingdom.
While Disney is pretty much all about all things fake, there are actually real animals at the Animal Kingdom. Gregory was in heaven with all the monkeys and apes to visit. His favorite: the white-faced gibbon. But he loved the gorillas too.
Attractions (in addition to stopping to enjoy the animals along the way): Kilimanjaro Safari, Pengani Forest Exploration Trail, Maharajah Jungle Trek and Kali River Rapids.
Dinner: Tokyo restaurant in Epcot. I had the sushi platter – a beautifully presented sampler platter of a wide variety of individual packages of rice topped with fish, egg, crab or roe.
Autographs: Turk (from Jungle Book II)
Trivia: An average of 150 pairs of sunglasses are turned into lost and found every day. I wonder if one of those was the pair I overheard a guest tell a cast member that the giant bats in Animal Kingdom stole off his head and dropped in the greenery.

Friday: The vacation comes full circle: Magic Kingdom.
On Monday we did the right half of the park. On our last day we did the left half of the park. Magic Kingdom is so large that even without lines, you need a good two days to see all that there is to see.
Attractions: Pirates of the Caribbean (we almost missed this one – it was closed when we got there, but I checked back an hour or so later and luckily it had just re-opened and we walked right on), Swiss Family Robinson Tree House, Magic Carpets of Aladdin, Enchanted Tiki Room (Under New Management), Jungle Cruise, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Splash Mountain, Country Bear Jamboree, Haunted Mansion.
Dinner: Morocco. This is a fun restaurant – with live music, belly dancers and exotic foods.
Trivia: The hearse in front of the Haunted Mansion was built during the Civil War

Saturday: Final morning at the pool.
Everyone was tired, and we didn’t really have enough time to get to and enjoy a park before having to catch the bus to the airport. So instead the kids went swimming at the pool. Here Lena made friends with Amy from Scotland, Gregory strapped on a float and zoomed all around the pool and Niko played in the squirting fountains.
Lunch: This was the only time we ate at the restaurant at the All Star Music Hotel. And there was an amazingly nice selection of entrées, including pastas, sandwiches and salads.
Insider tip: The family suites at the All Star Music are fabulous. For little more than you would pay for a single room, you get two rooms that can sleep up to seven, two bathrooms and a kitchenette ('fridge, microwave, sink, counters).

Reason No. 1 to come to Disney in mid-September

2008-09-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

When I told a teacher friend that I was taking the kids out of school the second week and taking a family trip to Disney World, her response was "You had all summer. Why didn't you go then?"
This sign says it all.
I was talking to another friend before we left. She and her family visited Disney during a school break last year. They waited 2 hours to ride the Dumbo ride in Fantasy Land in the Magic Kingdom. And I'd say Dumbo is one of the lamest rides in the park! The longest we've waited for any attraction was the 15 to 20 minute line at Soarin' -- easily one of the most popular rides in Epcot -- yesterday.

Niko, Lena meet the Power Rangers!

2008-09-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

But sadly, since we only have one camera, and I was using it to take pictures of Gregory while Niko and Lena were meeting the pink, yellow, green, red and blue Power Rangers, there are no photos of their meeting. So this group shot will have to do.

A big day for Gregory!!

2008-09-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Gregory LOVES the Little Einsteins. In fact, he latched on to Baby Einstein when he was less than a year old, and that obsession eventually grew in to this one. And people who know him know it is an obsession (he is my OCD child, after all). So today was probably a dream day for him, as he got to meet three of "my Einstein friends," get their autographs AND see them live on stage!

The twins' turn

2008-09-08T06:05:00.000-07:00

Gregory and his character friends

2008-09-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

Some kids run screaming when they see a big yellow bear or an orange bouncy tiger. But not my Gregory. Here are some of the friends Gregory made on our first day in the Magic Kingdom.

Loving make-believe

2008-09-07T21:13:00.000-07:00

“Mommy, is that real lava?” Niko asked as the Small World ride rounded the corner into Mexico.

“No sweetheart. Nothing in Disney World is real.”

Go ahead. Call me a hypocrite.

In general, I hate fake things. Who needs margarine when you can have butter? Vanilla flavoring when you can have vanilla? Fiberglass replicas when you can have the real thing?

And yet, Walt Disney World – the king of the universe of all thing fake and fiberglass – is one of my most favorite places in the world.

So much so that I was only partially joking when I text messaged a friend today and told her that my new career goal was to get a job as a bartender at a Disney resort!

This place just holds so many fond memories for me that it really is magical.

I made my first trip to Disney a year or two after the park first opened, back when it was just the Magic Kingdom and two hotels (For Disney fans out there, I’m talking, even before Space Mountain and Epcot). I was about 7 (the same age as the twins) and my brother was about four). We stayed at the Polynesian Village Resort. Yesterday I went back there for the first time in decades. And while everything smelled of fresh paint, in truth nothing really had changed. The pool. The hotel. The trash cans.

I found a favorite food here. On my first trip (and I have probably been a dozen or more times total, as a child, an adult and a parent) my brother got sick, so my mom took me into the park and my dad took me out to dinner. Funny thing is, my strongest memory from that day is taking the monorail to the Contemporary Hotel and eating at the buffet in the concourse. We got lasagna, and I remember not liking the look of the rectangle of noodles and goo on my plate. But somehow dad convinced me to try it, and I decided then and there that lasagna would forever be one of my most favorite foods (it’s still in my top 10). Today whenever I make lasagna I think of that night, and my dad.

I also learned about spontaneity thanks to Disney. The teachers in our school district went on strike one year. One night we were sitting around the table and one of my parents asked what we should do while we weren’t in school. I don’t remember which of us said “Go to Disney World” (I’d like to think it was me), but I do remember that shortly thereafter either my mom or dad called the resort and less than 48 hours later we got in the car and drove south.

Back to the present…
Niko and Lena went off with daddy and rode some rides, while Gregory and I went to meet “all my character friends.” He was so thrilled to get autographs from (and his picture taken with), Pooh, Tigger, Darby, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Belle (from Beauty and the Beast). So thrilled that when Cinderella kissed him on the cheek he rubbed the kiss, and then put it in his heart, so he would have it “forever.” I couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down my cheek!!

(MANY more photos to come soon!!)

First day of school!

2008-09-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

It was quite a morning. It started with tears.

"I don't like my school clothes...." from Lena.

"I'm not ready for 1st grade...." from Niko.

They both got over it, and by the time we got on our bikes everyone was excited about starting the new year.

And my what a difference a year makes!

I'll never forget last year. When I left Lena in her kindergarten class, she was sobbing and I watched as her classmates converged on her to give her a hug. Today she was a little nervous (as you can probably see on her face in our first day of school photo), but no tears. Niko, on the other hand, trouped right into his classroom, put his backpack where it belonged and sat down on the carpet with his classmates.

Gregory, well, he was just excited to see his girlfriends again, although since it was only open house we didn't stay long. So tonight he was outside by himself and I asked him what he was thinking.

"I'm sad," he said.

"Why are you sad?"

"I didn't get to play with Arielle today. Can I call her and can she come over and play right now?"

"It's too late for her to come over now. But we can call her and say 'hi.'"

Moments later...

"Hi Arielle. I love you."

So cute!!

The countdown is on -- 4 more days of summer -- :(

2008-08-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

Niko and Lena can't seem to decide whether they want summer to continue, or if they want to go back to school.

This afternoon, when we were hanging out with Grandpa Fred, visiting the local museum and going out to lunch, I think they wanted summer to go on forever.

Tonight, when we went to the open house at their elementary school and they got a chance to meet their new teachers, well, I think you can see the excitement about school on their faces.

This will be a big year for them. For the first time, they will be almost totally separate during the school day (the only time they will be at all together will be for the 15 minutes when their lunch overlaps, and even then they will be seated in different sections of the cafeteria). It will be good for them. Together they find endless ways to pick and nudge one another. Separate they become individuals, making their own friends, exploring their own interests. I thing will be a great year for them.

And yet, I am already looking forward to next summer!

What do you see?

2008-08-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the kids and I made a memory in a parking lot.

We spent the whole day at Busch Gardens Europe -- I rode a roller coaster with Niko, enjoyed the sky ride with Gregory and petted the Clydesdale horses with Lena. And yet the real memory from the day came when we were walking back to the car.

The sky was blue. The clouds were puffy. And we were all holding hands, when I asked the kids what they saw in the clouds.

Lena saw a horse (of course). Niko saw a man with an ax (of course). I saw a Snoopy-like dog on his back with his four feet in the air (when I finally took this picture, it was starting to break apart. But can you see the dog's nose pointed up to the sky on the left?).

It was one of those special moments.

It's the second time I remember making a memory with the kids in the parking lot of an amazing place. In September of 2006 Niko, Lena and I were walking across the parking lot to catch the bus to one of the parks in Disney World. Lena was holding my right hand, Niko my left. The three of us were talking, I can't remember about what, but in that moment I felt so happy, so content, so close to both of them. And I remember suddenly realizing that sometimes getting there really is half the fun. It was then that I decided to look for ways to enjoy more of those "getting there" moments -- riding bikes to school, walking to the local park, even running errands in the car.

So what do you see???

These costumes are 20 years young!

2008-08-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

I was surfing the other day, and I ran into this...
Check out the "30 years of musical theater at PW" video.
It brought back one of the few fond memories I have of high school.

I remember everyone helping make these green costumes when we first did "The Wizard of Oz" 20 years ago. It was surprising to see the same costumes on the kids who did the show in 2005!

It makes me want to get involved again. I'd love to schedule a trip home for March so we can see the PWHS 2009 production of "Little Shop of Horrors." And I've already volunteered to help out behind the scenes for the spring show at the local community theater.

Mom's sixth trip to the ER in five years

2008-08-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

And I have to say, it doesn't get any easier!

At first I didn't think Gregory's fall was anything unusual. Sure, there was that moment of dead silence before the crying began, but it wasn't until I reached him and saw him holding his forehead and blood seeping out around his fingers that I knew this was not your everyday boo boo.

We made it to the ER about 30 minutes later (Gregory had long since stopped crying, and was just pouting and holding a bloody cloth over the gash in his head). Ninety minutes and no more tears later we were on our way back home. In the car, Gregory told me he was "brave" that the doctors "did a good job patching me up." Then he asked if we could stop at "Old McDonald's" and get some French fries to share (who could say no?). What a guy!

While I'm not sure I should admit this, Gregory and I actually had a nice time together in the ER. We snuggled in the bed and I let him play DJ with my iPod -- Mama Mia, Seussical, Toy Story, Curious George (Jack Johnson), Don't Worry Be Happy -- while we shared the two ear buds. And when it was time to glue his wound together, he laid down on my tummy and asked me to be his "seat belt" (that's what he calls it when I put my arms around his waist).

Twenty-four hours later he says his boo boo feels all better and he wants to write a thank you card to the doctors and nurses who "patched him up." I have to say it again: What a guy!

And even though I am a veteran of six ER visits (see list below), and even though in the end this was really no big deal, I came home frazzled and drank a glass of wine before giving my little guy an extra hug and snuggling in with him for the night. Because even if it's really no big deal, a mom can't help but feel every pain, every anxiety, every fear along with her baby (and yes, in this case he is your baby, no matter how old he is).

* * * * * * * * *

Lisa's ER visits with the kids:
July 2003: At their first birthday party home, neighbor kids convinced Niko and Lena to eat holly berries. Poison control said to take them the ER, but it turns out all holly berries can do is cause an upset stomach, so they were back at the party and eating cake less than two hours later.
Aug. 2003: Lena fell off a swing at the park. Broken collar bone.
Dec. 2004: 3-week-old Gregory lethargic, feverish. Doctors order a spinal tap and admit him to the NICU. Stayed three days to be treated for dehydration and pneumonia.
Feb. 2005: False alarm for Gregory.
Aug. 2006: Gregory fell off a chair. Bottom teeth cut clear through chin. Eight stitches.
Aug. 2008: Gregory gets forehead glued.

Apparently we're raising two surfers!

2008-08-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

I remember when Niko and Lena were afraid of the waves. We spent a week at the beach the first summer they were home and I think the only way they were willing to touch the water was if it was in a bucket.

Not any more.

I took the kids to the Outer Banks Thursday. Lena spent the whole day way out past the breakers with the big kids. She learned when to dive under a wave, when to ride over it and when to point her board to the sand and ride! Watching her reminded me of vacations at the Jersey Shore when I was young. I was always way out there -- so much so that my mom would worry. It also brought back memories of my dad. When I was young he would take me out there on our old blue raft. I'd lay on top -- he's hang on one side. When I was older we would make our way through the waves -- the same way Lena did -- together and then ride them back to the beach.

Niko was a little more timid when it came to riding the waves, but when 16-year-old Fraser showed him how to use the skim board (I used to skim with my dad too), he was hooked!

So today Niko got his own skim board. And he spent much of the afternoon getting the hang of it. At first he couldn't stay on for even a second. But by the end of the day he was getting in some good rides!

Scavenger hunt at the beach

2008-07-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

When we were at the beach last week, Gregory skipped his nap on Wednesday and Thursday, and by Friday he was exhausted. So when he finally passed out in the bed, he was out for a while. And with no TV at the house, Niko and Lena quickly got bored.

So I sent them inside to get their Fisher Price cameras, and while my folks and I sat on the deck (drinking mojitos), I sent them off on a scavenger hunt. First, find something you can travel in (I don't think this beach buggy has moved in years, but I let it slide).

Something round (rather than take a picture of the whole grill, Niko snapped this shot of the vent on the grill -- pretty cool, I thought).

Something sharp.

Something that floats.

Etc.

Harder than it looks!

2008-07-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

Trust me -- I tried it! And I have to say, I could get addicted. But that's another story.

The kids were playing with these juggling sticks (a thousands of years old game invented by the Chinese as a way to practice martial arts) at a boutique (aka $$$$) toy story when we were at the beach. Back at home I found these sets at a local discount store (aka $). Niko spent much of the evening at the outdoor jazz concert trying to get the hang of it. And by the end of the night he could trow it up and catch it, and roll it back and forth. He's got such good coordination it won't be long before he's flipping it all over the place!

So sad!

2008-07-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

I hope the reports are wrong. But according to a story in The Moscow Times, the Russian ministry of science and education, which oversees adoptions, barred the Cradle of Hope Adoption Center from operating in Russia. The ministry said Cradle (and another agency) failed to file the required update reports on adopted children.

Wow.

This is the agency we worked with. It was one of the first agencies to work in Russia in the early 1990s and one of the first to receive permanent accreditation in 2007.

Truth is, it is up to the adoptive parents to complete regular updates during the first three years after an adoption. And as a parent who has been there, I know what a pain it is (we were a little late on one of the six reports we were required to file, and for that I will always feel bad). I hope Cradle is able to overcome this. Because ultimately, it's the parents -- and more importantly the children -- who will suffer.

Lena and Mommy at the beach!

2008-07-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

Lena has one of those Fisher Price cameras. She snapped these two shots while she and I were hanging out together on the deck overlooking the sound.

Peaceful ride!

2008-06-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

Our friend Mr. Brett, a freelance videographer since being laid off at the Daily Press six months ago, is putting together a video series on hidden treasurers of Hampton Roads for Cox Communications. Today's assignment: the old Buckroe Beach carousel in Hampton. We agreed to meet him over there and take a ride (or two) so he'd be sure to have some kids to shoot.

It was great. Such a peaceful ride around and around for Mommy. Gregory was fixated on watching himself in the mirrors around the center of this 1920s vintage carousel. And for Niko and Lena it was a great setting to imagine being a princess or a knight.

6th Annual ArkAngels picnic!

2008-06-22T18:39:00.000-07:00

I still remember the our first picnic six years ago. We were just a handful of families who for the most part had only been together for a few months. I spent most of that first picnic with a twin on each hip. This year I barely even saw the kids. They were off riding the horse or in the hay wagon, jumping in the moon bounce, swinging in the tree swing, running in the grass, etc.

I have to wonder if Lena and Alaina remember one another from the days when they lived together in the orphanage (Lena was 21 months and Alaina had just celebrated her 2nd birthday when both of our families appeared in court on the April 25, 2003 to complete their adoption). Each year the girls get together and are immediately the best of friends -- two peas in a pod, thick as thieves. And Niko really likes Alaina's brother Randy (other than Gregory, the only bio child at the picnic).

This year was a bit bitter sweet though.

At 2 p.m. we gathered around a young heritage birch tree we planted in memory of Dr. Viktor Pavlov. Dr. Pavlov ran the Arkhangel'sk City Baby Home when many of us adopted our children. He clearly loved the children, and we all thought of him as an extended member of our families. Dr. Pavlov died earlier this year. We tied the names of all the children to the tree. And took a few moments to share our memories of the man who brought us together as families.

A few more cousins photos

2008-06-22T14:31:00.000-07:00

On their first night here, we packed up and went to the free outdoor jazz concert at Port Warwick. I think a good time was had by all!

Kim and Chuck.

Cousins -- kinda.

2008-06-19T18:08:00.001-07:00

Tara, 16, and Kelsey, 12, are actually my cousins, but Niko, Lena and Gregory have taken to calling them "the cousins." Although Gregory prefers to call Tara "my best friend." They're visiting for a few days -- for the first time in six years. Here are some photos from our first day together at the beach and in the back yard.

Niko, Lena and Kelsey digging in the world's largest sandbox.

Gregory and his new best friend (don't tell Arielle!)

Lena and Tara.

Lena and Kelsey.

The cousins.

The twins put a crown of flowers in Tara's hair to make her a queen.

Happy last day of kindergarten!!

2008-06-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

At the end of each school day, one of the students is chosen to ring this old historic bell in front of Hilton Elementary School. It's one of the many cool things about going to a neighborhood school that was built in 1918.

I don't know how Niko lucked out to be the one to ring the bell to signal not just the end of the day, but the last day of school before summer vacation. But he was so excited, and so proud. And, of course, so was I.

It topped an interesting first year in the public schools.

Niko is smart. He loves to learn. In fact, the other day I was in the kitchen making dinner when I realized he was reading a whole book to his little brother Gregory. Just two months ago he needed to ask me about every other word. This time he did it all without my help.

Niko is also difficult. His teacher and I have been working together to help him control his behavior. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He just gets excited and goes over the top easily. And then he spits food at David (thought it would be funny) or kisses Reagan (we talked a lot about how he has to ask a girl before he tries to kiss them). Which lands him in trouble far more often than I would like.

But it's interesting. Despite his issues, or maybe because of them, he's received lots of recognition this year. His artwork was chosen not only to appear in the city-wide art show, but for the cover of the end-of-year PTA program. He got to read the morning announcements on TV. He got all kinds of certificates sent home. He got to ring the bell.

Meanwhile, Lena is very much a mediocre student. She doesn't read as well as Niko, or do math as well as Niko (although she's exceeding all the benchmarks necessary to move on to first grade). She also doesn't act out or get in trouble as much as Niko. And she didn't get anywhere near the kind of recognition that Niko received. She's the artist, and yet her artwork never appeared anywhere. And she didn't get to ring the bell.

It makes me wonder about the squeaky wheel. I'm glad my squeaky wheel is getting the grease. But I hope my quiet one doesn't get overlooked among all the squeaky wheels (and there are many) in public school.

Two sets of twins and a baby

2008-06-08T18:20:00.001-07:00

We kept the girls -- 8- (almost 9-) year-old Piper and Camden -- for the weekend while their parents headed to the D.C. area for Rebecca's high school reunion.

And while I know it sounds crazy, sometimes it's actually easier to have two extra kids around for a few days.

Piper is a tomboy, and she and Niko immediately pair off as the best of buddies. Camden is very much a girly-girl, and she and Lena are fast friends. Gregory, well, he goes back and forth between the pairs and is friend with everyone. But the bottom line is, because Niko and Lena both have a friend of their own, they keep away from one another and don't end up fighting.

Besides, we kept busy. Saturday we went strawberry picking in the 100 F. sun and came home to host a family barbecue for 15. Sunday I took all five out for breakfast before going to the local Air and Space Center. And both days the kids spent some quality time in our new wading pool on steroids.

Gregory loves Nemo!!

2008-06-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

Niko's 15 minutes

2008-05-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

Today Niko, and his classmate, had their 15 minutes of fame reading the announcements on the school morning show. Niko stressed about it for days. He practiced every day. And today, when the day finally came, he told me he didn't want to go to school. But once he got there he did great.

Speaking of doing great, Niko's teacher called the other night. He aced the end-of-year reading test. They need to be reading on level three to move up to first grade. Last week he got 100% on level six. I've noticed it at home too. He's already starting to read simple chapter books to himself. I guess the days of dadding and I spelling things so the kids don't know what we're saying are gone. And while I'm very proud of him, it seems so early.

Before and After

2008-05-26T12:03:00.001-07:00

The first picture -- the before picture -- I took Saturday at Colonial Williamsburg. I took the kids up there early for the Farmer's Market.

The second picture is the after shot. After, that is, Lena fell off the backyard playhouse and landed square on her nose. If you look close, you can see the purple bruise emerging across the bridge of her nose and under her eyes. I hope it isn't broken, but if it is, there really isn't anything we can do.

The proud graduate (and other stuff)

2008-05-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

I admit it. I got choked up on the first day of preschool. And what happened on the last day? Yup. I couldn't help myself. He's matured so much, made such good friends. And while I know we are going to keep seeing his friends this summer, and four of the five of them will be in class together next year, I'm still sad to see the school year end.

After all, Gregory is really going to miss his favorite teacher.

Young love

2008-05-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Today Gregory's preschool class took a field trip to the pond. Apparently it was a very romantic location.

Gregory and his favorite girlfriend sat side-by-side at the edge of the pond. And very gently he put his arm around her, like any gentleman would on a first date. They would point out the pond treasures to one another, and occasionally he rubbed her back, nuzzled her neck or put his head on her shoulder.

So sweet!

We finally made it to the beach!!

2008-05-04T17:50:00.001-07:00

Well, it wasn't quite the weekend we planned. But the Finnerans finally made it to the beach today. Since I guess you have to christen the van with sand one day, it might as well be right away, right?

It was the perfect day!! It must have been -- because the kids were playing nicely and not fighting. It was sunny, about 80 F., light breeze. As locals, we know about the little hidden beach spots, and this one was empty today. In fact, it was so nice that we stayed twice as long as we planned.

We did it!

2008-05-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

Yes it's silver. But that's where the similarities between the van that was in our driveway yesterday and the van that is in our driveway now ends.

Most importantly, the van that's out there now can go more than 50 miles without dying.

When we got home last night, we pretty much decided to go out this morning and buy a Grand Caravan. We loved the van's new "swivel and go" seats. On our way to the Dodge dealer, we decided to spend a few minutes checking out the Honda first, just to be sure we were doing the right thing. Five hours later we left, proud and poor owners of a 2008 Honda Odyssey. It is hands down the nicest car I have ever owned.

We have promised ourselves that we'll keep it clean. I'll let you know how long that lasts...

Weekend at the beach -- not!!

2008-05-02T16:59:00.001-07:00

Well, we planned to be in the Outer Banks for the weekend. Had been looking forward to it for weeks. Lena woke up this morning with strep, but that's wasn't going to hold us back. We figured she could rest at the beach as well as she could rest here.

I thought of everything -- spent three hours packing the sand toys and swimsuits, Mike left work and I picked Niko up from school early -- and we were on the road in time to get there for dinner.

Problem was, the van apparently didn't get the memo. It died 50 miles into the 100-mile trip. We considered limping the rest of the way, but decided we shouldn't risk it. So we called a friend to pick up me and the kids, and AAA to tow the van. And $120 and four hours later we were back where we started.

Stay tuned... I imagine I'll be posting photos of our new van within hours..

ArkAngels auction highlights -- check it out!

2008-05-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

ArkAngels for Russian Orphans is planning our largest annual fund raiser, Auction for Russian Orphans. Right now we're collecting donations for the auction, scheduled to open Nov. 11. In the hopes of inspiring folks to donate (and, come November, bid), I thought I would highlight some of the items we have already:

Madame Alexander's Peter and the Wolf doll -- one of the doll maker's Storyland series -- is inspired by the music composed by Russian Sergei Prokofiev for his son. The story, about a boy, a duck and a wolf, is spoken by a narrator, and accompanied by an orchestra with each animal represented by a different instrument. Prokofiev wrote the composition in 1936 after his return to Soviet Russia.
Madame Alexander retired the the Peter and the Wolf doll, making the 8-inch vinyl doll highly collectible. Our doll is new, in its original blue box withe pink tissue and complete with his plush wolf and duck.
Donated By: John, Kate and Ivan Stein

Super Suppers is one of the nation's leading "take and bake" kitchens, with locations in more than 40 states (for the complete list, check out their web site by clicking on the logo below).
You can choose to prepare the meals yourself in their kitchens, or pick up something they prepared for you. Either way Super Suppers is a great way to feed your family a healthy home-cooked meal.
Choose from entres like Asian Flank Steak, Manacotti Marinara with Italian Vegetables and Pecan Praline Chicken.
And all that for just about $3 per serving.

Celebrate the love and joy that a new baby brings to a family with a gift that honors their ethnic roots with an $80 gift certificate to Baby's Perfect Gifts. Gift certificate allows you to select a tep stool that measures 12"x10"x13". Personalization is FREE. Simply flip up the top of the stool and it becomes a chair. Winning bidder can select a doll that represents their child and and adoption book as part of the set.

40 kindergarteners + 1 zoo

2008-05-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

After two false starts last week -- canceled once for rain and once because fog caused so many accidents that there was no way to get there -- Niko and Lena's class finally made it to the zoo in Norfolk. I couldn't decide if I wanted to go or not. I wanted to be there for the twins' first big field trip -- actually, their first trip at all on a big yellow school bus. And I wanted to be there to be sure Niko stayed in line. When he gets excited he can forget.

Turns out, it's a good thing I went.
Because if I hadn't, I might not have met my daughter-in-law-to-be.
I heard from a teacher friend that Niko and Lila liked to sit together and hold hands during library. When I finally met her today, Niko announced they were going to get married. She's cute. And nice. I approve.

We weren't the only school there. My guess is a lot of schools that had to cancel last week rescheduled for today. But whereas the other schools stayed together and moved through the zoo like an amoeba of children, we broke into small groups. These were my charges. And one of their mothers met up with us there. While kids in the big groups jostled to see at each exhibit, our little group of six had no problems. And we had a great time.

The only bummer was that I couldn't really spend time with both twins. The teachers offered to give me both kids, but I can do that anytime. Besides, I knew Lena would enjoy being with her friends instead of her brother. I'd say from the photo that I was right.

Spring Break trip to Richmond

2008-04-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

Some photos from our trip to the Children's Museum of Richmond today -- hands down my favorite museum to visit with the kids. It's a shame it's a 90 minute drive away.

Thanks to...

2008-04-07T20:37:00.001-07:00

... the Stein family for donating the Peter and the Wolf doll to the Auction for Russian Orphans! The family adopted their son Ivan from Arkhangek'sk.

If you're interested in buying and donating one of the other dolls, they are still available. In fact, I am so optimistic that someone will that I went ahead and bought the dolls today. I can return them in 45 days if no one donates the money needed to pay for them.

And if a doll isn't your thing -- coming soon a way to buy one gift certificate and essentially donate twice. Details to come...

An update

2008-04-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been silent here for a few weeks. I've been so excited that I've been spending every free minute working on the Auction for Russian Orphans. Recently I found these three Russian-inspired Madame Alexander dolls at a local discount store. All are brand new, in their original box, and valued at $85+ -- and selling for $40. Because they are discontinued styles, their value should increase quickly.

I am looking for three supporters who would be willing to spend $40 to buy and donate one doll; or six supportes who would be willing to spend $20 each to buy the dolls; or 12 supporters who would be willing to spend $10 each to buy the dolls, or any combination of the above.

I love Madame Alexander dolls. In fact, I collected them when I was young. But these dolls are fabulous. My favorite is the first one here -- Peter and the Wolf, inspired by the music composed by Russian Sergei Prokofiev for his son. The story is spoken by a narrator, and accompanied by an orchestra playing all the parts. Prokofiev wrote the composition in 1936 after his return to Soviet Russia.

The other dolls available are the Russian Ballerina in pink. And The Nutcracker, inspired by the ballet by Russian composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.

In other auction news, I have been looking for artists to volunteer to each paint one doll in a five-doll matroyshka nesting doll set. Once done, we'll put the five unique hand-painted dolls together and auction them off. Each will be a unique piece of art. So far volunteers include an adoptive father, a Moscow native and a children's book author. But we're still looking for more volunteers.

And we're still looking for more donations. So if you have something to donate. Or want to participate but don't know what to donate, please contact us at arkangels@cox.net.

Coming soon: Auction for Russian Orphans!

2008-03-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

I am really excited. At ArkAngels for Russian Orphans we are organizing Auction for Russian Orphans. The auction will be our largest annual fundraiser, and we are currently accepting donations. So far we are offering caviar, amber jewelry, a Russian Barbie and other items.

But we need more!

We are looking for donations of items to auction. Some suggestions…

• Going to Russia? Please consider buying something there to donate to the auction. A matroyshka. Russian Orthodox icon. Amber necklace. Fur hat. Prices on Russian items are much cheaper when purchased in Russia.
• Are you crafty? An artist? Donate something – anything – you’ve made. A quilt. A photograph. A woodcraft. A doll. A painting. A bracelet. Whatever.
• Have a vacation house? Donate a week or weekend – either you pick the dates or let the buyer choose.
• Own a business that could donate a produce or service? Know someone who does? Businesses will be recognized on the auction web site with their logo and a link to their web site.
• Is it OK to regift? In this case, yes. Have a new item still in its box taking up space in your closet? We’ll take if off of your hands and turn it into kash for the kids.
• What about antiques? We’d love a few good-quality antique items to offer!
• Know someone famous? Would they be willing to donate an item or autograph?
• Want to donate but don’t have an item? Donate cash and we’ll combine it with other cash donations to buy items at a discount. Or buy something yourself and donate it.

If you want to donate, please go to the auction site and click on the "donate items" button.

You can also sign up to sponsor the auction.

ArkAngels for Russian Orphans is a 501c3, non-profit organization (tax ID #870635), so all donations are fully tax deductible. Our mission is to improve the living conditions and educational opportunities for Russian orphans who aren't adopted. If we raise $100 we can buy new beds for two orphans. If we raise $10,000 we can replace open pit latrines in an orphanage with modern bathrooms.

Red light, Green light

2008-03-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

I finally had enough yesterday. Enough running in the house (I must tell them not to run 15 times a day, everyday, 365 days a year for five years now -- why can't they remember?) Enough fighting. Enough badgering. Enough rudeness. And when Niko and Lena got into my purse yesterday morning, took some stuff out, opened it and played with it, and then stole candy out of the freezer, I had more than enough.

They know I'm serious when I get really, really, really calm and serious. Which is just what happened Wednesday morning before leaving for school.

On Wednesdays they get out of school at 1:15. Often I arrange for them to play with friends. But they knew they lost that privilege. Instead they came home, got a plastic bag and went to work cleaning out their room while I put Gregory in for his nap. When they were done cleaning I gave them each two books and told them they could read on their beds.

They took their punishment well. So well that at around 2:30 I realized it was very, very quiet in their room. And when I peeked in, they were both asleep.

When they woke up more than 90 minutes later, they found this on the refrigerator. I figured if it works at school, maybe it will work at home.

Every morning everyone starts on green. Misbehave, you get a warning. Continue, you move to yellow. Don't stop? You end up on red.

At school, if you get on red you get sent to the principal's office. Since we don't have a principal at home, Niko suggested a punishment that would be appropriate: "You have to go to bed right after dinner."

Works for me.

I also decided to simplify the message. We used to talk about good vs. bad; behaving vs. misbehaving, listening vs. not listening, etc. It's all too easy for the kids to turn those concepts into "us vs. them," which could quickly become "you don't like me" or "I'm a bad person." Instead, I am going to try to stick with one simple concept: the rules. Either you are following them or you aren't. And if you aren't, you know what's going to happen.

Of course there has to be positive reinforcement too. Tonight because everyone went the entire day on green they all got to pick what they wanted for dessert: candy, pudding, cookies or an ice pop (everyone picked candy).

Happy International Women's Day!

2008-03-08T20:09:00.001-08:00

I can't believe Mike and I were in Russia on this day last year.

Here's what we wrote about Women's Day in Kostroma(photo above is of Lena on her way to a birthday party earlier this year. She's wearing grandma's tierra):

We celebrated Women’s Day – sort of like Valentines Day, Mother’s Day, Grandmother’s Day, Sister’s Day, Secretaries Day, etc. all rolled into one – with the kids at the Ministry Center in Kostroma run by Children’s Hope Chest.

What is a Ministry Center? Before we got there our leader described it as like a YMCA. And he was right. Basically, it’s a place where orphan graduates and their friends can hang out, get support, learn stuff and go in an emergency. Walk in and almost the first thing you see is the ping-pong table. There’s a TV room, a media room (outfitted with computers, a DVD player, a projector, sewing machine, etc.), a weight room, a music room, as well as emergency bedrooms that kids can call home for up to six months if they don’t have any other place to live.

When we got there the center wasn’t yet opened. But at 3 p.m. the kids started trickling in. One of the first was a girl who took to playing ping-pong with Mike. She was pretty good too. We only found out later that at 17, she’s 3 weeks pregnant. And while she is living with the 29-year-old father of her child, he threw a Women’s Day party but she wasn’t invited. And he kept calling her at the center, but she didn’t want to talk to him and she eventually turned her cell phone off.

The guys of the center put on a show for the girls to celebrate Women’s Day. Their program was a contest, Russian boys vs. American men, to see which could be the better ladies. The Russian’s won. It was very funny.

But more important, it was beautiful to see the boys give the girls such a beautiful gift for Women’s Day, one that is better than any flowers or candy. The gift of laughter. And it was laughter at the expense of the boys.

Mike became the star of the ping-pong table. The boy pictured above wouldn’t let him The boy pictured above wouldn’t let Mike stop playing. At the end of each game he would hold up one finger and then point and Mike and his own chest. He’d keep doing it until Mike agreed to play again.

It’s just so rare that an orphan boy has a good experience with a grown man. There are just so few male role models in their lives.

These kids are lucky. They have Children's Hope Chest (www.hopechest.org) and a place to go. Typically when an orphan graduates from the system, usually between the ages of 16 and 18 (although we later heard about a boy who graduated at 14), they are on their own. Even if they are lucky enough to get into tech school or university, they have no support. And the odds for them aren't good. The average life expectancy for a former orphan is Russia is just 30 years. One in 10 kill themselves. 40 percent turn to crime or prostitution. And since those are the official statistics from the Russian Ministry of Education, I have to assume the odds are actually much worse.

Help for Russian Orphans just a click away!

2008-03-06T18:07:00.001-08:00

ArkAngels for Russian Orphans -- a 501c3 nonprofit organization raising money to improve the living conditions of children living in orphanages in Russia -- is now part of GoodSearch by Yahoo, an internet search engine that works just like yahoo, with a twist.

Use GoodSearch.com and designate ArkAngels for Russian Orphans as your
charity and every time you use it to search the internet we earn a
penny. And those pennies can add up quick. If 100 people use it just
two times a day, ArkAngels will earn $750 in a year.

Use the sites' GoodShop shopping mall -- which includes all the biggest
online retailers including amazon, Target, Gap, eBay, etc. -- and a
percentage of every purchase will be donated back to ArkAngels. If 100
people spend just $500 shopping online through goodshop, Arkangels will
earn another $1,500 in a year.

Just go to www.goodsearch.com and be sure to enter Arkangels for
Russian Orphans as the charity you want to support. Or click on the link above. And, please tell your family and friends!

To make it easier, click on "add GoodSearch to your ... toolbar," follow the instructions, and it will be right there when you go to the 'net!

The serious artist

2008-03-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

Niko had this puppet that he made in art class selected for a city-wide art show. We were so proud! Niko, on the other hand, played the part of the brooding artist.

A (family) tree grows in Arkhangel'sk

2008-02-27T19:28:00.001-08:00

There's a lot of talk among adoptive parents and experts about what's known as "the family tree assignment." You know, when students are instructed to map the members of their family by their relationship to one another.

If you believe the chatter, the majority of adoptive parents and experts seem to think that if not presented properly, the family tree assignment can shake an adoptive child to the core. It may cause them to question their place in their biological or adoptive families, even the very definition of family. It may cause adoptive children to mourn a previous family, or question who should they include on the branches, or where they belong.

I have to admit, I just don't get it. All those adoptive parents who get upset when someone mistakenly asks if their children are "really brother and sister" or if they wish they had "children of their own" need to listen to their own arguments. If these children are yours, that's how they should draw the family tree. If the child also wants to include members of their biological family, they should be allowed to do so. Heck, they can even include an actual tree from Arkhangel'sk, like the one outside our hotel room and pictured here, as part of the assignment if they want.

Niko and Lena have never showed much interest in their biological family. They know they were adopted. And they know they didn't grow in my tummy like Gregory did. But they never bring it up. So I wasn't surprised when I saw Lena's family tree on the white board at school today.

Mom-Dad-Niko-Lena-Gregory.

I showed her how to add her two grandmas and two grandpas. And she tried to figure out how to add her cousins -- Mike's and my brother's children. No questions. No angst.

I imagine it could get more complicated as they get older. If so, we'll answer any questions and follow the kids' lead. And some day we may have to explain to a teacher along the way why their trees have a few extra branches. We'll see. But I don't intend to stress about it either.

(Niko did much better today. No hitting, fighting or falsifying. He did bring home one straight line face on his report for not listening, but he didn't hurt anyone or lie and he was on green all day, which I'd call a big improvement.)

Bottoming out??

2008-02-26T20:16:00.001-08:00

I've noticed that sometimes Niko has to hit bottom before he improves. I hope that happened today, because I can't imagine what a 6-year-old could do that would be lower.

You'll remember: yesterday we decided not to punish Niko for the fight he had in the bathroom, and instead we gave him a stern talking to and a warning -- bring home another bad report, hurt another student and you would have to go to bed as soon as mommy and daddy get home from work. Niko and I talked about it more this morning when I walked the twins to school.

So tonight Niko was very excited to show daddy the daily report from Mrs. Weeks when daddy got home.

Problem was, Mrs. Weeks knows how to spell "good day."

And Niko doesn't.

It was the first clue that Niko erased his teacher's notes and wrote his own.

Mike asked Niko about it, and Niko finally admitted he changed the report (after Mike told him that was what Honest Abe would do).

Wow. I never imagined we'd be dealing with forgery at 6.

I can understand his motivation -- with the report the way it was, he was going to bed early; if he could fool us, he had a chance. But we had to send a strong message that if the behavior in school was bad, the deception was worse. So Mike sent him to bed at 6. We took turns talking to Niko and reassuring him that we loved him, but that the behavior in school and the lying about it was totally unacceptable. I hope the message got through. I hope he bottomed out today and things will go up from here. I'll let you know....

Waiting for two steps forward

2008-02-25T19:16:00.000-08:00

I wish I could climb in Niko's head and figure out why. Why his behavior has taken a step backwards in the last eight weeks? Before Christmas, he brought home all smiles on his daily report from school every day. Now he's bringing home a handful of straight lines and frowns each week. Two weeks ago he kicked a kid in the head in gym. Today he and the same kid got in a fight in the bathroom. As a school volunteer, I know this kid, and I know he instigates problems and pushes buttons. But until recently Niko was able to control himself and walk away. What changed?

At first I thought he just had to get back with the program after the holiday break. But it's been almost two months now.

In fact, he was doing so well that his teacher suggested dropping the daily report. But when he started to backslide, she started it up again. Part of me wonders if that wasn't the trigger. He was so proud to get and bring home his daily smiles. Maybe he realized that if his behavior slid he would continue to get the report, and bad attention is better than no attention.

Or maybe it was all the change at school? Most kids this age aren't good with change -- and Niko seems to have a particularly hard time with it. There's a new kid in his class, and I understand the new kid has been disruptive. But the kid Niko's been getting into trouble with has been in the class all year. There's a new teacher in Lena's class -- her original teacher was removed from the classrom and the two kindergartens are really one big class with two teachers.

We're at a loss. But it's frustrating, because we know he can do better. And it's hard to know what to do to help him get the message that he has to do better. In fact, tonight Mike and I talked about making him go to bed early because of the fighting. But then at home his behavior was fabulous -- he was sweet and kind to everyone (even Lena). And he did so well in other parts of school today that his art teacher sent home a positive note about his behavior. So we were afraid that any message we sent by punishing him could be confused. And he was very honest about the fight, which is a big improvement from the past, when he would lie about what he had done ("I'm like honest Abe," Niko said, referring to Abraham Lincoln, who they have been studying in connection with President's Day). So we decided mom and dad would have a very serious talk with him. In that, we put him on notice that the next time we get a report home of him hurting someone he would have to go to bed right after dinner.

Stay tuned......

Twins

2008-02-21T21:04:00.000-08:00

People are always surprised when I tell them Niko and Lena are twins. In fact, sometimes people who know they are adopted assume that we were lied to and that there is at least nine months between them.

And I can understand. If you spend any time with them, you will quickly realize they are the same age because of their development. But to look at them you'd assume Niko is much younger than Lena. Or that she is standing on a box in this picture. But Mike and I know neither is true.

TV time

2008-02-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say it was a conscious decision. But the truth is it just kind of happened, and one day I noticed we were watching less TV.

Niko and Lena used to put it on every morning pretty much as soon as they got up. Recently they've been getting out the crayons and paper and coloring instead.

They used to ask to put it on after school and want to sit and watch until dinner. Recently they will watch to decompress for 30 minutes or so and then want to do a craft project or play in the playroom.

We still watch together -- snuggled on the couch in our jammies -- before bed. But still, I'd guess we're down to 90 minutes or less a day. And that's a good thing.

February Beach!

2008-02-18T18:16:00.001-08:00

I hate this time of year. The holidays are over. It's cold. Everyone is getting cabin fever. And we're running out of creative things to do so that we can get out of the house and not kill one another.

Which makes it kind of surprising that our solution was to live in one room -- two beds for the five of us -- for the weekend.

But when you're at the beach, even in the winter, it doesn't matter how close the quarters are.

We actually had reservations at The Blue Heron Motel (MP 15) for last weekend, but the hotel called and said the indoor pool was closed for renovations, so we postponed our trip to this week.

It was too cold and breezy to actually go to the beach -- in fact, we never touched the sand during our three days and two nights there. But we were able to look out at the beach from our room at the Blue Herron (an efficiency for $75 a night). And we were so busy that we didn't miss it.

We started our adventures at the North Carolina Aquarium on Roanoke Island. With our membership to the Virginia Living Museum in Newport News we were able to get in for free. And while the museum was smaller than its Virginia cousin, the North Carolina Aquarium in Manteo was very cool. We enjoyed the hurricane exhibit (although the kids were worried that the thunder storm the next day was a hurricane) and the cypress swamp, but my favorite was the shark tank, which included a scale model of the USS Monitor, the Civil War ironclad that battled the USS Merimack (aka the CSS Virginia) in the historic battle that ended in a tie.

I could have sat and watched the sharks all day. And in a sense, we were able to do that later in the hotel room, when we put on the NC Aquarium channel on the TV and watched the 7-minute loop of the fish in the tank -- it was the lullaby that the kids fell asleep to each night.

Sunday morning we headed off to Ocracoke, but when we got to the ferry we discovered the bridges were out and there was no way to get to the village. So instead we went to Hatteras to check out the lighthouse, the tallest lighthouse in the country.

While you can't climb it during the winter, we had a great time running round the outside and checking out the (free) museum in the nearby lifesaving station. Then we headed back, got some pizza (as a northerner, beach = pizza), stopped off at a beach store for cheap T-shirts and flip flops (for the summer) and hit the hotel pool.
In truth, the pool was reason enough to vacation at the beach in February.

In fact, I think I may prefer the beach this time of year, when it's peaceful and you don't have to wait for a table when you go out for dinner.

For more photos from our trip, check out our flickr account here.

More on Dr. Pavlov

2008-02-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

A couple we know -- parents who adopted from Arkhangel'sk several years ago and are back there now for their second adoption -- visited the orphanage this week. In the lobby, they saw a picture of Dr. Pavlov and some flowers. It was there that they learned of his passing.

They asked to meet with his wife, and were told they would be able to do that. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, they offered to take any letters we e-mailed and give them to his wife. Here's the letter we sent:

7 February, 2008

Dear Mrs. Pavlov:

My husband Mike and I were so sorry to hear of your husband’s passing. We met him when we traveled to Arkhangel’sk to adopt twins living in his orphanage in February and April of 2003. And we have thought about him regularly ever since.

I can’t begin to describe to you how important your husband was to our family. Without him we wouldn’t be a family, and as a result we always considered him like a distant relative in a distant land. He was the closest thing Nicholas and Elena had to a parent for the first 21 months of their lives. And it was clear to us in meeting him that he truly loved the children.

I remember the first time we were in his office. We knew a little girl who had been adopted from the old orphanage about six years earlier, and we brought along a current photo of Katie to give to him. When your husband saw the picture, he jumped up, pulled out a stack of files and within seconds held up photos taken of Katie when she had been adopted. That he remembered one little girl from six years earlier I think said a lot about his compassion and commitment to the children.

I am attaching two photos of our twins: one taken in 2003 and one taken just before Christmas (posted above here). I hope it makes you smile to know that these two kids – and many, many more like them – have your husband to thank for their happiness.

You are in thoughts, as your husband will always be.

Lisa, Mike, Nicholas, Elena and Gregory Finneran

The memorial to Dr. Pavlov set up in the lobby of the orphanage in Arkhangel'sk.

A sad passing

2008-02-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

Today we learned that Dr. Victor Pavlov, former director of the orphanage in Arkhangel'sk, Russia, died over the weekend. Niko and Lena were once among Dr. Pavlov's angels. In a system that's designed to warehouse kids, Dr. Pavlov truly loved the kids. When we met him five years ago, we brought along a photo of a little girl who had been adopted years before. Dr. Pavlov jumped up, dug through his cabinet to find Katie's file and proudly showed us the photos that were taken of her when she was adopted.

More than a decade ago everyone thought Dr. Pavlov was crazy when he pushed to build a new orphanage to replace the crumbling facility. He had drawings done, which he hung in the lobby, and everyone whispered that it would never happen. The new orphanage opened in the late 1990s, complete with swimming pool, sauna and indoor garden.

I always considered Dr. P part of our extended family. He was basically the closest thing to a parent that Niko and Lena had in those first 21 months of life. He looked out for them, made sure they were cared for. We owe him so much. While we haven't seen him in almost five years, I feel like there is a hole in my life now that he is gone.

Here' is the official notice we received from the director of our adoption agency:

Dear Friends:

With great sadness, I am writing to let you know that our dear friend Victor Pavlov passed away this past Saturday. We just recently learned that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer (although he was not a smoker) and his disease progressed very rapidly. I spoke to his wife just last week, who expressed their appreciation to all of our families for their love and support over the years. She told me how thrilled Dr. Pavlov was to see the photos of all of the happy children we've placed from his Baby Home.

If you wish to provide financial assistance to Dr. Pavlov's family, we will be happy to forward any money we collect. Alternatively, donations to Cradle of Hope in memory of Dr. Pavlov are also welcome.

Please say a prayer for this dear man and his family. All of our lives have been greatly enhanced by the work that he did.

Linda Perilstein
Executive Director
Cradle of Hope Adoption Center

Catching up

2008-02-04T18:15:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry things have been quiet here for the last 10 days or so. It's not that our life has been quiet. In fact, it's been exactly the opposite.

Last week the kids were off from school for the second Monday in a row, so I bit the bullet and took them to meet friends at Chuck E. Cheese. I managed to avoid that place for four years. But I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. Of course it was crazy -- all the schools were off that day, and we weren't the only moms who needed something to do with their kids.

Here's Niko doing his happy dance to show me how glad he was to finally go to the place he heard so much about.

And I have to admit, it wasn't awful. I found some coupons online here, and we were able to get a pizza, four drinks and 80 tokens for $30. For another $10 we got 80 more tokens, which was enough to keep the kids busy for two hours.

The restaurant was clean and bright and airy. I felt safe letting the kids run around on their own, knowing that there is an employee at the door who won't let the kids leave without their parents.

In addition to the huge selection of arcade-style games, there was a huge contraption the kids could climb on and through for free. My friend and I parked our stuff at a table underneath and from there we could watch the kids come and go. And we could join them from time to time to play games, which not only was it not awful, it was fun.

Also surprising was the pizza. Sure, I've had better. But I've had much, much worse. While it was clearly prefab popped out of a bag in the freezer and into an oven, there was a nice balance of sauce and cheese. The crust was lackluster, kind of like a big cracker, but still edible.

In fact, I guess I have to admit that we will be back.

Russian music

2008-01-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

I found this video of the Moscow quartet Scherzo on YouTube. They are playing classic Russian instruments:
A balalaika prima, a triangular guitar-like instrument that has three strings, two of which are tuned the same.
A balilaika double bass, the largest instrument played with a pick.
A bayan, the Russian equivalent of the accordion.
A domra alto, a Russian instrument similar to the mandolin.

Very cool!

To see the video, click here.

Gregory and his girls

2008-01-24T19:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight at the spaghetti dinner at Gregory's school, he looked at me and said "Mommy, Arielle is my girlfriend."

"What about Gemma?" I asked.

"Gemma is my girlfriend too."

"What about Maddie?" I asked.

"Maddie is my girlfriend too."

That's right. At 3, Gregory has claimed all the girls in his class for himself. In fact, he and his girls (and their moms) all went out to lunch together today, and Gregory was the center of attention.

But while Gregory likes all the girls, Arielle is his favorite. And she feels the same way about him. When it's circle time, she'll actually get his mat and put it so close to her that they are touching. And Gregory always has hugs for Arielle.

New Years Resolutions

2008-01-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a few weeks late here. But better late than never, eh?

I make New Year's resolutions every year. Some stick -- like previous plans to be more healthy and wear more color with my standard black. But never before have I made my resolutions public, so you can keep me honest in where I succeeded and where I did not.

So here are my plans for 2008:

1. Lose weight. This is a familiar one. In 2004 year I lost about 30 pounds as a result of a New Year's resolution. This year my goal is a more modest 10 pounds.

2. Slow down and enjoy the mundane moments with the family. Walking to school. Running errands. Anytime we're together can be a good time.

3. Similarly, about 15 years ago I had a friend in Richmond whose motto was "Treat every weekend like a mini-vacation." Of course, back then were were all just out of college with no kids and no responsibilities. And while some weekends there are things we just have to do, other weekends we can kick back and enjoy ourselves. It could be like last weekend, where everyone played nicely, Mike built a fire and I got to put my feet up and do a little knitting. Or we could pack up everyone and take them to the beach, the park, on a picnic.

4. Try new foods. I love to cook, but I've been in a rut recently, making the same meals. In fact, tonight we had pancakes and bacon. Sometimes I just hate trying out a new recipe because rarely do the kids like it the first time, and the effort just feels like a waste. I have to keep reminding myself that you have to try something up to 10 times before a kid will accept it. So on my list for this year: kohlrabi, a vegetable I remember my grandfather growing and cooking, but I don't think I've eaten in almost 30 years.

My favorite mommy!

2008-01-11T21:02:00.000-08:00

On the way to school today, Lena told me I was her favorite mommy. I was about to say "I'm your only mommy," but I stopped myself. While it's no secret that she and her brother were adopted, they don't quite know what that means yet. But one day in the not too distant future, they will understand that they have another "mother" out there somewhere. And while that "mom" has never been and will never be "mommy," I know the realization won't be that simple.

Abuse in an Arkhange'sk orphanage

2008-01-10T18:46:00.001-08:00

Two French aid workers have been accused of sexually abusing teenage orphans in the orphanage in Arkhangel'sk, Russia. That's the city where Niko and Lena were born. It's the orphanage they may have ended up in had Mike and I not come along. It's an orphanage surely filled with kids who have already had a rough enough life. It's like beating someone when they're down.

It makes me sick. Sad. Speechless.

To see a news report about the case, go here.

Reality on Christmas Day

2008-01-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

Niko and Lena were up at 2, 2:15, 2:30 ... so I decided the only way any of us were going to get any sleep was if I went to sleep with them in their room. Surprisingly enough, they ended up sleeping until about 7:30 a.m., and when they work up all three of us climbed into one twin bed and snuggled and talked.

Sure, they were excited. But they were also snuggly and talkative. At one point I asked them what Christmas meant to them. And I was surprised when "presents" didn't top the list. In fact, it was No. 3 or 4 (behind peace and love and something else). We finally got out of bed around 8, and they watched "The Grinch That Stole Christmas" while Mike and I scurried around and did the things we needed to do (when I was a kid my parents would keep us upstairs in their room while Dad set a fire and Mom put out breakfast, but that's hard to do in a one-story house). Mike and I were actually ready long before the 22-minute movie was over, but they were sitting quietly, so we let them watch to the end.

We do Christmas in phases that actually drag out for a week. But the first phase is probably the most exciting -- it's when they get the gifts from Santa and Dad/Mom. This year they each had five presents under the tree (I always figured we had to have the same number, just in case, but this year they actually counted). Santa brought everyone a poster for their room and a pillow. Niko got a Power Ranger helmet and sword. Lena got a Barbie head and color board. Gregory got the Little Einstein's Pat-Pat Rocket and a computer. And from us all three got the Fisher Price Cameras.

We opened gifts from some friends and family that night, gifts from Grandparents when they were here on Saturday, and gifts from other friends at our annual Russian brunch Sunday (we fed about 40 friends! For more about the brunch, check out my food blog here). Then finally the season ended today when Father Frost, Santa's brother who brings gifts to the kids in Russia (or so we told the kids) makes a special trip to Virginia to fill stockings.

Whew. Today I was so exhausted that I stayed in my jammies all day!

Thoughts on Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T19:50:00.000-08:00

So here it is Christmas Eve. The gifts are all bought and wrapped and under the tree. The trees are up and the house is decorated and clean (well, at least I vacuumed). Cookies are baked, all eight batches (although I never got around to making a breakfast bread like we always had when I was growing up. Instead I plopped down $7 for a dozen donuts and saved myself the headache). The blow up Mickey Mouse Santa is waving in the breeze out front. We've been to see the Christmas light displays (both in neighborhoods and those put up by the city). We've visited Santa at least once (Gregory's been twice). The fire is crackling and the Christmas cedar candles are burning. We've been to the candlelight Christmas Eve church service (and I realized how close Gregory came to catching his hair on fire during the singing of Silent Night when I smelled one spot on his head as I put him to bed). Niko and Lena even put themselves to bed a full half-hour early tonight so Santa could come. I never did get around to putting the bird on top of our tree, and several days I forgot to fill the drawers in the Christmas box. But it's too late now.

And yet tonight Mike and I were not feeling the Christmas spirit. So we were sitting here talking about what Christmas is all about.

Since neither of us is religious, it's not about "the baby Jesus," as Mike says.

This year it does remind us how fragile family can be. Mike's aunt is in the hospital in Ohio and has been for nearly two months. His mom went out there to help and we don't know when she'll be home. And his dad flew out to be with them for the holiday. Other family members are sick. It seems everyone is getting old at the same time.

Christmas is always about the kids. And tomorrow they will scurry out wide-eyed to see what they got. We just hope it isn't about consumerism and getting (can a 6-year-old really understand the joy in giving?), but at the same time we hope they are happy with their gifts. Lena may be disappointed. She asked for a real horse, but we had to tell her Santa couldn't do that because she wasn't old enough. While it's not the same, I hope she enjoys the doll head we got her so she can style her hair. Gregory wanted a "Little Einstein Computer," but since they don't make those we hope he's happy with the little play computer Santa is bringing, along with a Pat-Pat Rocket (I had no idea how lucky I was to find that. Apparently Matel halted production to test for lead and as a result they were hard to come by). Niko asked for a real working camera, and we actually ended up getting all three their own cameras.

Of course, it shouldn't be all about the getting, right? Well the kids did do some "shopping" for gifts for Mike and I. And yesterday they were up early and they wrapped up a bunch of their toys and "gave" them to one another. Although I have a feeling that the 6-year-olds won't have giving on the mind when they get up tomorrow. But is that so bad?

So what is it really about? I'm still kinda struggling with that. But I think I'll take my inspiration from our Christmas tree and my ornament obsession. In other words, it's about our family of five, and all of the memories reflected in the ornaments that hang on the tree. The ornaments the kids each picked out two years ago when we were at the Outer Banks and went to one of those all-year Christmas stores. The photos of the kids that I frame every year (going back to the year before we even met them). The Russian churches I bought during our trip in March, and the carved wooden balls I bought in Moscow when we went to bring the kids home in 2003. The other Russian-inspired ornaments I've picked up over the years with the twins in mind (including the bunch I ordered online in the months after returning home with the kids). The ornaments from our travels: Long Beach Island, Natural Bridge, Chincoteague, Disney World, Yankee Candle (which is where this picture with Santa was taken). The painted Christmas balls we have been receiving annually from friends for almost a decade.

Daddysitting

2007-12-23T17:31:00.002-08:00

While Gregory took a nap today (and mommy did laundry), Niko and Lena went out back to play with Daddy and his friend Gavin (to see a larger version of Daddy's comic made from today's pyromania, click on the image).

How many??

2007-12-20T19:47:00.001-08:00

It took me less than three months to fill this jar. Now, I will admit to paying for things with bills, even if I had change, just so I could get more change. But I figure it didn't really affect our weekly budget, and I would fill the jar quicker that way.

So how much money do you think is in here?

$68!

It puts us $68 closer to a trip to Disney World!

--Lisa

I fell into ...

2007-12-19T21:47:00.000-08:00

... the comparison trap.

I didn't see it coming.

Logically, in my heart, I believe every child will learn and grow at their own pace. I know that some kids are ahead of the rest, some are behind the rest, and that doesn't mean that they are brilliant or stupid. I understand that one kid may surge ahead, and then plateau while another kid might plug forward and both will end up at the same place at the same time. In the end some kids will wind up at the top of the class, some will be at the bottom of the class and most will be in between.

And yet when Niko started spelling words like b-e-c-a-u-s-e and r-u-s-s-i-a-n and s-c-h-o-o-l, and Lena was still struggling to tell the difference between the letters "h" and "k."I started worrying about her. Why was she having such a hard time after all the time we've spent with her on her letters? Did she have a learning disability? If so, how could we help her so she could do as well as Niko.

So I asked the reading teacher to to meet with Lena.

The verdict? She knows 23 of her capital letters and 21 of her lower case letters. When asked to write down a sentence dictated to her, she got something like 23 of the 37 sounds in the sentence right (not necessarily spelled right, but the basic sounds were there). Several time she didn't quite get the question right the first time, but she worked it out and got there by herself. She even got the trick question right.

Bottom line: she is right where the reading teacher would expect a kindergartener to be.

And that's when I realized I had fallen into the comparison trap. I was comparing Niko and Lena to one another. When one was not as far along as the other, I assumed one was having a problem. And I always thought I was an optimist.

How I spent my (41st) birthday

2007-12-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

That's right. I'm a Christmas baby. 11 days between my day and the big day. I remember there was a time when I felt like I somehow got cheated with a birthday so close to Christmas. I imagined my gifts were all the Christmas rejects. And then at some point I realized that I was lucky. Heck, the whole Christian world is decorated for my birthday!

This year I took the twins to school, and then Gregory and I went to a neighborhood Christmas party with Miss Lin. We are so lucky to have Miss Lin. She's our nanny, but she's so much more than a nanny. She introduces the kids as her "other grandkids." And on days when she doesn't come, the kids will ask "is it Miss Lin day?" And when I say "No, it's mommy day," they are disappointed. And I think that's great! It makes it possible for me to go to work without any guilt.

Anyway, I digress. After the party I took Gregory to Yankee Candle in Williamsburg. True, I was kinda working on a story for Saturday's paper. But as you can tell from these photos, Gregory didn't care. He got to meet Santa. And see the train, and watch the clock show, and see the lights around the miniature village change from yellow to green. This Yankee Candle store is one of two "flagship" stores in the county, and it's amazing. You walk in to a town square with a fountain and a clock tower, which opens every 30 minutes for a show with Hickory, Dickory and Dock (I learned that there are actually six different shows that all focus on Virginia history). And in the Christmas room it snows every five minutes.

It was late when we got home, so instead of putting Gregory in for a nap he and I climbed into my bed to watch his favorite "Little Einstein" on DVD. We picked up Niko and Lena at school at 3:40 and then went to Monty's for our weekly "good job" ice cream. Niko likes to play Trouble while we're there, and he beat me again.

At 6 p.m. Niko and Lena went off to the YMCA for their monthly "kids night out," complete with swimming. And Mike and I did a little Christmas shopping before taking Gregory out for dinner at Rosalita's. Gregory made friends with the guy who painted all the murals on the walls there. And I'm not surprised. Apparently the artist has a green monkey (Gregory's favorite animal and color all rolled into one) that he takes with him everywhere he goes. And he was nice enough to let Gregory play with the it while we ate dinner.

After the twins came home (at 10), I put up our Christmas tree. Unwrapping each ornament always makes me smile because each has a memory attached to it. I finally finished up around 3 a.m. and we brought the kids out to see. So I guess I got an extra three hours out of my birthday!!

All by myself time

2007-12-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

I'll write more when I have time (and probably post another photo or two). But here's Gregory on his special visit with Santa today. It's so rare that he gets to do something by himself -- and not tagging along as Niko and Lena's baby brother.

Two photos -- one orphan

2007-12-13T19:21:00.001-08:00

I was online the other day, browsing through the pages and pages of photos of Russian children on the adoption database. Even though I was going through kids living in orphanages in Kirov and Kostroma, regions we visited back in March, I never imagined I would recognize some of the faces there. I mean with more than 700,000 orphans living in state care in Russia, it would be like finding a needle in a haystack. So imagine my surprise when I saw Kristina staring at me (above in her database photo and below in a photo take at the Saligalich Orphanage in March). And she wasn't the only one I immediately recognized.

I was able to translate what it says about her. Born: January 1998 (she'll be 10 next month). "There are brothers and sisters," it says. I know one was adopted and is living in the United States, but I wonder if there are more. And it describes her character as "sociable, kind" (I spent about an hour with her, and I would agree).

It makes me think of something I read over at the Russian adoption blog recently. 2,305. It's the number of Russian children that the U.S. State Department expects will be adopted by Americans this year. It's less than half the 5,209 kids adopted from Russia in 2003 -- the year we adopted Niko and Lena. Adoptions from Russia peaked the following year, with 5,865, and have been falling every year since. New paperwork requirements and other changes have been been slowing people down since 2005. Then this spring agencies' accreditations expired and it was months before they were renewed. Today 17 agencies are accredited and adoptions are happening again, albeit slowly, but another 40 are still waiting.

So I'll take this opportunity to make a plug for ArkAngels for Russian Orphans. Our mission is to improve the lives of children who will spend most of their lives in orphanages. Visit our store. Donate $1. All the money raised will go to the orphanages. Check us out here.

I'm going to post other photos on my 365 blog (365 days, 365 photos). Check it out here.

R-U-S-S-I-A-N!

2007-12-13T18:04:00.000-08:00

Niko is learning to spell. And he's loving it. He came home the other week and announced he could spell "because." And he could. It surprised me, because most of the words he can spell are the 1-syllable variety; words like like, cat, yes, is, it, etc.

Then the other day he wanted Mike and I to teach him to spell Russian. He couldn't quite articulate why he picked this as the first he wanted us to teach him. But he was so proud that he couldn't wait to spell it for his teacher the next day. And now days later he still spells it for us a dozen or so times a day.

His teacher is encouraging us to take advantage of his enthusiasm and teach him to spell a new word each day. Today's word: L-O-V-E.

Memories of the high school dance -- aka joining in

2007-12-12T20:43:00.000-08:00

I've been a full-time or part-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM for those who use web shorthand) for four-and-a-half years now. And I love being with the kids (most times). We are always going off on one adventure or another. But sometimes I feel lonely. There have been many days I wished I had a fellow SAHM I could call and we could just hang out together with our kids. But it just hasn't worked out that way. The ones I know who work part-time aren't off when I am. With the others, their kids are older or have different school and activity commitments. So the kids and I spend our days on our own.

I joined an online local mom's group a while ago. It was one thing to post messages to the forum. But I was too intimidated to actually attend an event. While it's been decades, memories of high school dances in which I spent hours holding up the wall were all too fresh.

But then yesterday I saw this group had a "meet and greet" scheduled for today at a local park. The weather service predicted it would be 80 F. today, so I knew I'd want to take Gregory to the park to play outside (we won't have many days like this between now and April). Why not take him to this park and try meeting some new people, maybe make some friends? So I put aside my personal fears and went. And in truth, as I was driving down the highway I considered turning back and going home. But I convinced myself that in the worst case we could stay 15 minutes and then leave if I didn't feel comfortable.

At first I didn't. But eventually one of the moms came over and introduced herself. Another gave me a ribbon like those worn by other members so they (we?) can identify our/themselves (some have flowers, others have polka dots). And in the end I was glad I put myself out there. In fact, Gregory and I were having so much fun that I didn't want to leave. Gregory ran right off and made new friends. I enjoyed talking with the other moms. Did I make a new best friend? That takes time. But I did enjoy the moms I met. And I will be back.

News from the Sanchursk orphanage in Kirov, Russia

2007-12-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

Today I got my regular newsletter about what's going on in the Sanchursk orphanage, where my Olga lives. There's no news specifically about Olga, although they did say the kids were writing their first letters to their sponsors, so hopefully I will hear from her one day soon.

The kids say they recently had a break from school, and because there is a lot of snow there they spent the time "playing snowballs." They also recently learned about American Thanksgiving and friendship. And they say they are looking forward to Christmas and New Years.

But this paragraph, in a note from Vladimir and Kostya, jumped out at me:
"We would like to ask you to pray for Ivan Chellenyukh. From what we have been able to observe, he is a leader in his class. Unfortunately, sometimes his influence on the other children is quite negative. He doesn't show a lot of interest to our classes. However, he is interested in our personalities (our hobbies, the kind of music we listen, films we like to watch, etc.). Please, pray that God will soften his heart and open it to His word and the good messages we talk about at the lessons."

I have to wonder if this is Ivan. He didn't show much interest in anything when we visited the orphanage nine months ago. He was far too cool for that. In fact, he sat with this look on his face for an hour. That is, until I pointed at him, pointed at my camera, and then took this picture. Then he actually smiled, even though I think he didn't want to.

Addiction

2007-12-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

My name is Lisa. And I'm a Christmas ornament addict.

I can't help myself. In the last 24 hours I bought six new ornaments (I do plan to give all but two away, really). And Niko and Lena made three each (they are going to each give away two too, although they don't know it yet). Last week I ordered five (one for everyone's stocking). This summer I bought five or six. I can't help myself....

It's My Birthday...

2007-12-06T20:40:00.000-08:00

... I'll eat cake off my finger if I want to.

Still, I can't believe Gregory is 3.

I took the peanut in for his annual checkup. He's still a peanut -- 28 lbs. and 34 inches tall, which puts him in about the 5th percentile. I asked the doctor again if we should be concerned, and again he said so long as Gregory is meeting the developmental milestones we shouldn't worry.

And is he...

Mikestone: May sleep 10 to 12 hours at night.
Gregory: Goes to bed at 8, sleeps until 7. And he takes a 2+ hour nap.
Milestone: Brushes teeth, washes hands
Gregory: Check.
Milestone: Draws simple shapes.
Gregory: Likes to draw faces -- a circle for the head, two dot eyes, one dot nose and a smile.
Milestone: Enjoys helping with household tasks.
Gregory: Loves to put trash in the can and toys away.
Milestone: Identifies some common colors.
Gregory: Will tell you whether something is light green or dark green.
Milestone: Counts to three.
Gregory: Counts to 20.
Milestone: Uses the toilet often but may need help (boys may not be toilet trained until later).
Gregory: Potty trained during the day.
Milestone: Speaks in three- to five-word sentences.
Gregory: Too many words to count.
Milestone: Develops a sense of humor.
Gregory: I remember blogging about Gregory starting to tell simple jokes when he was 18-months. When I was changing his poopy diapers I would ask him who was poopy. He'd say "Mommy poopy?" "Daddy poopy?" "Niko poopy?" "Miss Lin poopy?" Until he would run though everyone we knew, giggling harder each time.

"I like..."

2007-11-29T19:32:00.000-08:00

I am so proud of Niko. He's come so far in just 12 weeks. He sat down and started writing this on his own and I only had to spell two words for him -- happy and Gregory.

But more important than his spelling is what he wrote: "I like Niko, I am happy, I like Mom, I like Dad, I like Lena, I like Gregory."

This from Niko. Niko, who will sometimes disagree with you just to start a fight. Niko, who can be a bundle full of anger. Niko, who I worry makes his life more difficult and unhappy than it needs to be. I always wonder if he has invisible scars from his first 21 months of life.

This short composition -- can you call it a poem? -- is a glimpse of the other side of Niko. It lifts my heart to know he feels this way, at least sometimes.

We also finally were able to communicate with his physical education teacher this week. She is going to work through his main teacher to make sure we know when he has problems in her class so we can work with him at home on his behavior. But she all said that in the three weeks so far this marking period she has seen a marked improvement in his behavior.

As I said, I'm proud of Niko.

Playhouse Disney -- Live on Tour!

2007-11-25T18:21:00.000-08:00

We talked about whether to take the kids to see the Playhouse Disney Live show at Norfolk Scope for weeks. I wasn't sure it would be worth $22 to $40 per ticket (times five tickets). But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for Gregory to see the Little Einsteins live on stage. So finally six days before today's show, I went online and ordered tickets for all of us.

I didn't expect great seats, since we bought our tickets so late. And I wasn't surprised that we were seated in the balcony on the side. I was surprised to discover that all the balcony seats straight in front of the stage were empty. Someone around us said ushers told them the seats were sold out. But when no one sat there, we moved over during intermission.

And once we were seated, I have to say the show was not worth the price of admission. As a Disney fan, I've seen all kinds of fabulous shows on my trips to Disney World. And last year Mike and I took the twins to see Lion King at Chrysler Hall in Norfolk, which was amazing. But this show was a huge disappointment. It was all of 60 minutes (plus a 15 minute intermission), which means it cost us about 50 cents a minute. For that I would expect something more than lip sync-ing and bad costumes. But the worst was the Little Einsteins. They barely even resembled the TV characters. And Leo, Annie, June and Quincy were the whole reason we were there.

That said, Gregory did seem to enjoy the show. And so did Niko, which was a big surprise. He complains when I put Playhouse Disney on TV. Yet he's often the one standing in front of the TV singing each song. And today he sang, danced, clapped and chanted.

Crazy Day

2007-11-21T18:40:00.000-08:00

Another day, another rant about the schools.

So on Monday we got a message at home. Hilton Elementary was proud to announce they had achieved 100 percent membership in the Parent-Teacher Association. To celebrate, the kids were invited to dress crazy on Tuesday. Niko picked out this hat and his king cape. Lena selected a poncho and a slip.

But wait a minute. Our 6-year-olds can't dress up in costumes for Halloween because it would take too much away from the learning they need to do to be prepared to pass Standards of Learning tests they won't take until 3rd grade. And yet they can dress crazy when all their parents pay $3 to join the PTA. I think that's an interesting comment on priorities.

Besides, I know the whole "100 percent participation" is a lie anyway. Plenty of parents don't sign up, but to make up the difference the teachers sign up everyone they know. My best friend -- who doesn't live in Newport News and has no children -- is a member of the Hilton PTA. So is her boyfriend, and her mom's cat.

While I'm ranting, Monday night after reviewing the report cards, Mike sent a note to the P.E. teacher asking if there was any way we could get regular feedback about Niko's behavior in class so we could work with him at home. We didn't hear back Tuesday, and school is out now until Monday. We'll see, but I fear she's written Niko off already.

While I don't want to get defensive, I find it interesting that of the six teachers Niko spends time with, we received at least one note home from four and only one is still having problems with him. I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the teacher -- I am not. I know Niko is a challenge. But she may want to consider new ways of working with him.

First report card

2007-11-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

Niko and Lena brought their first report cards home today. There were no big surprises. Both received a top grade of "satisfactory" (the top score possible) in all their "core content" skills -- reading, writing, math, science and social studies. In fact, there was only one difference in their reports: Niko was listed as a pre-reader, while Lena was listed as a beginning readers. Although I think that's more because the teacher's standards are different rather than that Lena is ahead on her reading skills. In fact, I sit and "read" with both of them, and Niko actually seems to be picking up on sight words and sounds quicker than Lena.

In related arts, citizenship and study skills, Lena also got straight satisfactories. Categories include "respects the right of others" (I think this is the politically correct version what they called "plays well with others" when I was a kid), "asks for help when appropriate" (I'm glad she isn't doing it when it's inappropriate) and "comes to school prepared."

Here's what her teacher had to say under the comments:
"Elena is a lovely girl and she is always attentive to learning. When assessed, she scored well in rhyme but needs help with letter-sound relationships and practice with her lowercase alphabet recognition. We will continue to structure learning experiences for her. Thank you for your support at home."

Niko got two "needs time, help and practice to improve": on "strives to achieve citizenship goals" and "follows classroom/school rules." I'm not surprised. He's been doing so much better, and I am very proud of him. But this report card is reflective of all of the first nine weeks of school.

I was a little surprised by the "unsatisfactory, more effort needed" that he received in physical eduction. Yes, the PE teacher did send two notes home this period about Niko's behavior. But that was early on in the year, and we haven't heard anything since, so I assumed things were getting better.
Here's what his teacher had to say under the comments:
"Thank you very much for coming to our conference. Niko has a good attitude towards school and he usually completes his work neatly. He gets so excited that he sometimes forgets class rules, but he is improving in self discipline. He can identify letters and numbers. Please work on his letter/sound association and making a one-to-one match between the spoken and written word. He's having a difficult time following the rules in physical education class."

Which brings me to my soap box for today. It seems that the schools say they want parents to participate, but they don't give parents the information we need to do that. How can a parent participate in their child's success at school if we don't know what's going on there? I am able to talk with Niko's lead teacher daily when I drop him off and pick him up. But what about parents who have to put their kids on the bus and go to work? How do they get any information at all. And if you are lucky enough to get information, typically all you get is the negative. We have found that what works best with Niko is a combination of positive motivation for good behavior and negative consequences for bad behavior. But when all you hear about is the bad, it's impossible to do that. I can't believe how frustrated I am with the public school system with nine weeks down, 12 years, 27 weeks to go.

The scene

2007-11-13T17:42:00.001-08:00

It's been almost 24 hour since the shirtless stranger in shackles rang out doorbell. And even though I know he is behind bars again tonight, I'm still a bit shaken as I sit here in our kitchen.

But I guess I should go back to the beginning.

Mike and I were chatting in the back of the house when the doorbell rang at 10:30 last night. We exchanged a looks. We knew that whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

The man we found standing on our stoop -- I later learned he was really just a boy -- had quite a story to tell. His mom had been in an accident. He needed a ride to her at a restaurant about eight miles away. Could one of us drive him there. He was hysterical, pleading, almost crying. And while part of me wanted to help someone in need, all of me thought this guy wasn't telling the truth. Of course neither of us had any intention of taking him anywhere, or letting him in the house. But we did offer to call authorities, or a taxi. He refused. And then mid-sentence he was gone, darting across the front of our house when a car came down the road.

"Should I call the police?" I said to Mike. Duh. I briefly questioned whether to call the non-emergency number, and then dialed 911. Police cars swarmed our neighborhood within minutes.

Mike and I talked to one of the officers, who asked us to describe the person. Close cut hair. About 5-foot-9-inches. Baggy jeans or pants. No shirt.

But we missed something critical. The shackles.

Turns out our visitor was a resident of the city's juvenile detention facility and had been taken to Riverside Regional Medical Center for treatment. While deputies were taking him back to detention he assaulted the officer and escaped. Police were already looking for him when we called.

It was all over by about midnight, when police found a shirtless boy in shackles calling for help. He had tried to escape in a stolen kayak and quickly discovered that he was in trouble.

At that I felt much safer.

Until I started thinking about it today. And the "what ifs" started to freak me out all over again. What if that car (we later realized it was a police car) hadn't startled him? Would he have tried to strong-arm his way into the house to steal keys or my purse or something? It's obvious he was planning a car-jacking. But could that have turned into a home invasion? He didn't have a weapon, but he was able to overpower deputy, who should have been looking out for that sort of thing.

I guess all we can do to take control, to not allow a kid making a bad choice to make us scared at home, is to consider what we would do differently if someone rings the doorbell at 10:30 at night again. At first Mike and I talked about installing a eye hole in the front door. But the truth is, neither of us wants to be standing there with just a door between us and a criminal. Instead, we will not be answering the door late at night.

So if you need to see us after 9 p.m., be sure to bring your cell phone and call us from the driveway.

Little fireman (er finneran)

2007-11-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

I know I'm behind on posts. I'll blame my parents, who came to visit Thursday night. And we stayed busy.

On Friday Niko and Lena went to school, Mike went to work and grandma, grandpa, Gregory and I went to the fire station. My mom noticed that the peanut was shorter than the wheels on the fire truck, so of course I had to take this photo.

The tour was great fun. First, it was free. Gregory got to tell the fireman about "stop, drop and roll" (which they learned in school recently). And he got to see the pole they used to slide down to go to a fire (people got hurt so now they just run down the stairs). But I think Gregory's favorite was getting his badge and "driving" the fire truck.

To read about our apple picking venture, check out my food blog here.

Oh Gregory

2007-11-07T20:03:00.001-08:00

"Very bright." His preschool teacher Wanda Fletcher said it over and over during our first parent-teacher conference this week. We take no credit for it. We thought he was ahead of many kids his age. But sometimes I would question myself. Was I one of those annoying parents who always thought their kid was the bestest and the brightest even if he wasn't? I didn't think so, but I wasn't sure.

Gregory will be 3 in three weeks. He started preschool less than three months ago, and will be there for three years because of his birthday. And already Mike and I talked with Mrs. Fletcher about how to keep him from being bored in school. She suggested we challenge him to look at the same things in new ways. For example, she said one of her daughters was also "very bright." One day she came home from kindergarten and announced "Mommy, I'm bored with the science table. I've looked at everything, touched everything, ..." So her mom suggested she draw everything. Mrs. Fletcher said they decided to keep her at Hilton Elementary because that in this world she is going to have to learn to live in a world where most people aren't as bright as she is. Gregory is going to have to learn that lesson too, I think.

The good thing is, Mrs. Fletcher said he is a good independent learner. He'll sit and look at something from all angles and try to figure it out, taking a lot of time with each of the educational toys they offer.

We talked about our goals for him in school. Socialization. Playing well with the other kids, making friends, listening to other adults, taking turns, helping out. "The academics will come to him naturally," I said. Mrs. Fletcher said she is working with him to take turns answering the questions so the other kids get a chance (since he knows all the answers already). She said he readily comes to circle time, pays attention and "sometimes" sings along (some kids, she said, prefer to watch "the show" of her singing rather than participating themselves). He moves around among the different toys set out that day. He does his daily craft -- although sometimes they have to encourage him to do it.

We also talked about his "obsessions." Green. Order. A part of me was worried that it might be a problem. I mean, today when he took off his slippers he had to have them lined up perfectly. And when he washes his hands, he not only dries his hands, but uses the paper towel to wipe up any water that fell on the floor. Mrs. Fletcher said that while he wants things the way he wants them, she wouldn't call it obsessive. In fact, she thought his desire for order may be his brain on math.

The surprising thing is, I worry a lot about Gregory. I worry that he'll be bored in school and could act out (so far he isn't). I worry that it will be hard to keep him challenged. I think he's going to challenge me. And at least for now his teacher said she tries to create games -- like this jumping and counting game -- to keep him interested.

Please enter...

2007-11-01T20:01:00.001-07:00

.. ArkAngels for Russian Orphans 1st Annual Russian art contest!

I’m really excited about this and can’t wait to see (and share) artwork kids and adults create of Russia. The rules follow, but basically we’re holding an art contest for kids adopted from Russia and the people who love them (aka everyone). Artwork must be of something Russian. Winner will be selected by an online poll, so be sure to tell everyone you know to vote!

ArkAngels for Russian Orphans is a non-profit raising money to improve the living conditions and educational opportunities for children living in orphanages in Russia.

Here are the rules and official stuff:
Entry fee: $5 per picture (you may enter more than one picture, but you have to pay the entry fee for every piece of artwork submitted). To make a donation, go to www.arkangels.org and click on “make a donation” (on the right under the blue box).
Eligibility: Anyone who was adopted from Russia or loves someone who was (in other words, anyone).
Age groups: Artwork will be judged in the following four age categories: 6 and under, 7 to 13, 14 to 21, 21 and over (when artwork was completed). There must be at least five entries in a category for a prize to be awarded in that age group.
Entry requirements: Artwork must be two dimensional 8”x10” or smaller and must be of something Russian. Any medium is allowed, including (but not limited to) crayons, pencils, paint, photography, collage, etc. In addition to original artwork, please include: name, age, region adopted from (if applicable, or if parent, or other family/friend member, region child or relative/friend adopted from), e-mail address (for contact purposes only. E-mail addresses will not be made public, shared or sold).
Deadline: Digital version (either scan or original) of artwork must be e-mailed to arkangels@arkangels.org by midnight, Nov. 30, 2007.
Winners: Will be selected in an online poll at http://1millionheroes.blogspot.com. Participants may vote just once in each category. Polling will be available by Dec. 3 and continue until midnight Dec. 7 onlile at http://lisamikeplus3.blogspot.com.

Prizes: First place winners will receive a matted and framed print of their artwork with recognition of their achievement. All entrants (and their families) are eligible to have their names listed among ArkAngels for Russian Orphans “1 Million Heroes” online at http://1millionheroes.blogspot.com.

Entering gives ArkAngels for Russian Orphans permission to use you (or your child’s) artwork, first name, age and region adopted from (if applicable) online and in print. Artwork may be used in future products for sale at ArkAngels, including, but not limited to, greeting cards, calendars, clothing, etc. If your (or your child’s) artwork is chosen for a product, you will receive one free item featuring your artwork.

Happy Halloween!

2007-11-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween. I mean, what's not to love? You can be whomever you want to be for the day, including a team of Power Rangers (green if you are Gregory) a Jedi Knight or a Diva. And you get to beg the neighbors for enough candy to keep you on a sugar high for a whole year.

I was talking to some of the stay-at-home moms that I run into when I take the kids to school and pick them up every day. Several of them couldn't believe me when I told them I would be staying home Halloween night and Mike would be taking the kids out trick-or-treating. It's been that way since the twins' first Halloween four years ago. Sure, I'm a little jealous that Mike gets to have all the knocking on doors fun. But I figure I'm home with them all week, and Mike should have some special time that's just his too. So I just don't get it when a SAHM says "I make my husband stay home and I take the kids around." This is a husband who was probably at work all day, who probably wishs they could spend more time with their kids.

While I'm on my soap box, I also don't understand moms and dads who both go out with the kids. I mean, if no one stays home to hand out the treats, there will be no place for the kids to go.

And it wouldn't be my soap box if I didn't say something about school. When did the schools outlaw Halloween costumes? Niko's teacher said they used to do a Halloween parade around the school. Now that they need to get the kids ready for SOL test (which, as I've pointed out before, they don't take until 3rd grade), they don't have time for such things. It saddens me that they've taken all the fun out of school. Don't get me wrong. I think education is very, very, very important. So are some of the other things that make school a good experience and a good memory. It would be one thing if I saw evidence that kids were graduating from high school smarter, or better prepared for the world around them. But I just don't see it.

Too stupid

2007-10-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

My motto used to be "People more stupid than I ____________." I started saying it when we were putting together all the paperwork we needed to adopt Niko and Lena. Basically, I figured if others could do it, so could we.

And then my kids started kindergarten, and my motto changed to "I'm too stupid to have a kid in kindergarten."

I'm only half kidding. But I have to say, the schools certainly don't make it easy. They send home homework assignments that conflict (at best) or don't make any sense (at worst). Here is a real example:

Niko and Lena's teachers started assigning homework this month. While they have assignments nearly every day, they only have to turn in homework two days a week. On their homework calendar it says "Turn in the homework only on the days circled." On the note sent home at the beginning of the month, the teachers wrote: "Homework done on circled days should be turned in on the following day." So which is it? Turn it in on the circled day or the following day?

It would be one thing if this was a unique example. It's not. I find things in their backpacks that appear to be extra homework assignments with no explaination. Same of a list of numbers that I once found on a piece of paper in Lena's backpack (I had to ask the teacher and she said it was her student number. Couldn't they have written that on the piece of paper??). And yet every Friday their "parent-teacher communicator" -- a folder for the teachers to send information home -- essentially comes home blank...

Mom and dad didn't even dance at their wedding...

2007-10-25T21:41:00.001-07:00

Rarely do mom and dad take the spotlight....

This comes from the folks at www.jibjab.com. They have a bunch of different dances you can star in. The kids love to watch themselves -- they giggle and laugh and it's great fun. In fact, they ask to see these little movies as much as they ask to watch Power Rangers or Little Einstein!

Mommy goes to preschool

2007-10-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Today it was mommy's turn to volunteer in preschool. What a whirlwind. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things, but here's what I remember from today:

The kids came in, hung up their backpacks in their cubby holes and then it was off to the races. Everyone started playing with the toys. Then each kid has their own mat to sit on, and we started with circle time on the mat. There were songs, a story about jack-o-lanterns, and a little talk about what makes a pumpkin a jack-o-lantern. Teacher Mrs. Fletcher talked (er, I mean sang. She sang everything she did in the 2 1/2 hours) about the shapes the kids could choose to carve for their jack-o-lantern's face and how to make their jack-o-lantern masks.

When Mrs. Fletcher started carving a pumpkin with the kids, I told her I thought she was brave. I asked a couple of the kids what they thought was inside, and they told me "black seeds."

Meanwhile, the kids took turns making their craft for the day -- last week they painted a paper plate orange. This week they put jack-o-lantern faces on them to turn them into masks.

Oh, and somehow I was potty woman today. Gregory wanted to go two or three times, and each time others wanted to go too.

Next they danced, while I helped get the tables cleaned and set up for snacktime. Each kid had their own placemat, and while I helped get them all laid out, the kids got in line to wash hands. After snack it was movement time. Everyone gathered on the blue carpet to dance and sing and pretend to be snakes and (as in this photo) wombats. (I had to look it up. The wombat is an Australian marsupial that's about 3 feet long with a very short tail.)

Then everyone lined up on the shapes on the floor (Gregory asked to be on the green, and Mrs. Fletcher told him if he was quiet he just might get it today) and followed the yellow line to the area set up with bikes and other gross motor play toys. This is where Gregory got to do his jumping game. After 15 minutes or so it was back to their classroom to cut paper and clean up for the day, get backpacks and sit on the carpet to wait for the mommies.

Whew. It tired me out for the whole day....

Speaking of taking for granted and feeling guilty

2007-10-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

This is Olga. I met her when Mike and I visited orphanages in Russia in March. She's 12, and living in he saddest place I've ever been. And through no fault of her own the odds are stacked against her for life: 50 percent of former orphan girls become prostitutes, 40 percent become criminals, 10 percent commit suicide. The average life expectancy is just 30.

I write to Olga regularly (although not as regularly as I should). I've never heard from her, but I hope my letters somehow make her life better.

Here's the letter I sent yesterday:

_______________________________

October 23, 2007

Dear Olga:

I know it’s been a while since my last letter. I am sorry. I want you to know that while I haven’t written in a few months, I think about you often. Sometimes I look at the time where I live here in the United States and try to figure out what time it is there so I know if you are in school or asleep. I also look on the computer to see what the weather is like there. Today here we are still wearing shorts. But it looks like there you are probably bundled up in coats and hats and gloves. Has it snowed there yet? I love the snow. We don’t get enough of it here.

How is school going for you this year? What is your favorite subject? I always liked social studies. I also loved to read. Actually, I still love to read. I just wish I had more time to do it. I also like to write, and I write in my journal regularly. Do you keep a journal?

It’s almost Halloween here. Do you celebrate Halloween there? Here we celebrate by getting dressed up in costumes and going door-to-door to ask for candy. It’s a lot of fun. This year my three kids (6-year-old twins and the 3-year-old baby) are going to dress up as three super heroes. I think I’ll dress up as a witch this year. I have a cool pointed black hat to wear.

I hope you can write me one day. And I will do better about writing to you.

Until next month,

You are in my thoughts,

Ya Tibya Lublu,

Lisa

________________________________

But it isn't enough. I want to do more for kids like Olga and the others I've met in Russia. Which is why I started ArkAngels for Russian Orphans. There are plenty of groups out there that help kids of all ages be adopted. Instead, we want to make the lives of the hundreds of thousands who will grow up in orphanages in Russia better.

In fact, our mission is to "improve the living conditions and educational opportunities for children living in orphanages in Russia."

Which is why we are trying to raise $1 million, $1 at a time from 1 million people. To help kids like Olga. And Nadyia, who was 2 when I met her and is probably six now. She had the most beautiful curly brown hair and long eyelashes. And Galina, who had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and a host of other developmental problems and is now living in a Soviet-era institution. And Artem, the 10-year-old who wound up in the orphange when his mother died. And...

Some people stick with you...

2007-10-23T18:35:00.000-07:00

As a journalist, I believe everyone has a story to tell. Some stories I write and pretty much forget. Others stick with me for a long time. Like the story of Tommy.

When I interviewed 8-year-old Tommy (left, pictured here with his mom, dad and younger brother Mark), he called his cancer an "exciting and traumatic adventure." It started with a pain in his hip that doctors couldn't explain when he was 6 years old. Eventually the usually active young boy was relying on a wheelchair to get around. X-rays later revealed, and further tests confirmed, Thomas had an inoperable form of Ewing's sarcoma, a rare cancer of the bones or soft tissue.

By the time I met Thomas he had completed treatments six month earlier and tests showed his cancer was under control. I remember in particular one story his father told me that afternoon. A girl they knew from the hospital, who had been given a clean bill of health, was back in the hospital just three months later battling cancer again.

Tommy made it a little longer. But today he's on his second day of chemo for a recurrance of his Ewing's sarcoma, this time in his chest.

Tommy and his family will continue to be in my thoughts, and I'll be checking out their blog regularly on caringbridge.com (tommygosser). I'll think about him when I look at my children, who are now 6, the same age Tommy was when he was diagnosed. And I'll feel a little guilty about all the things I take for granted.

A fabulous new children's book

2007-10-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

I must admit, I loved “Mishka: An Adoption Tale” ($16.95, drt Press) even before the publisher offered to donate a portion of sales to ArkAngels for Russian Orphans.

The 30-page hardcover book is beautiful, with a familiarly comforting drawing of St. Basil’s Cathedral and a loveable bear on the cover. The illustrations, by artist Miranda Mueller, are soft and warm and full of both love and the occasional familiar sight in Moscow.

But it’s the story, written by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista, that makes this book so special. It’s the story of adoption as told through the eyes of Mishka, also known as Mo, a stuffed bear purchased in an airport by an American couple as a gift for the son they hoped to adopt in Russia. Mo stays with little Yuri in the orphanage between his soon-to-be parents two trips to Russia to complete his adoption. In beautiful, simple terms the book portrays the emotional uncertainty that everyone experiences in that time between meeting one another and the parent’s return to Russia to complete their adoption.

Here's an excerpt:
"Days went by, each day much the same ast the last. Every morning there was porridge, every afternoon was music, and every night was the bed in the room filled with a dozen other sleeping children.
Mo thought his new life with Yuri was much better than his life on the gift shop shelf. He loved it when they played together.
But he wondered if the man and the woman were ever going to return. I had been a long time since they left."

Of course the man and woman do return, and then Mo accompanies the three of them to the embassy and finally to the plane home.

Niko and Lena know they are adopted from Russia. We’ve told them stories and showed them the pictures. On occasion Lena will even tell us that she cried in Russia because we went away. And yet when I read this book to them one night, it opened up all kinds of new questions about their adoption. They wanted to know why we had to leave them in the orphanage, what we were doing when we were away and if we missed them.

I would certainly recommend this book to anyone who has or plans to adopt a young child from Eastern Europe. And if you purchase the book between now and Christmas using this coupon link:

http://www.drtpress.com/orderpage.htm?Coupon=drtp_arka_1000_p_

a portion of the proceeds from your purchase will be donated to ArkAngels for Russian Orphans, whose mission is to improve the lives of children and teens living in orphanages in Russia.

“Mishka” is Bashista and drt press’ second book. “When I Met you: A Story of Russian Adoption” ($16.95, drt Press) was published in May of 2005.

An October Saturday in Virginia

2007-10-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

I'm inspired by my husband's blog to write about the weather.

He and I both grew up and went to college in the north. And as a northerner I always had a love-hate relationship with fall. I loved the change, the break from the heat, the mild days and cooler nights. But I hated the cold, windy, wet days that were typical in the north. And I really hated that fall signaled the inevitable turn to winter, when the cold traps us indoors. By mid-January I am usually climbing the walls.

But then I moved south, and fall is an entirely different thing. Daytime temperatures in the mid- to upper-70s or even into the 80s and (thanks to the current drought) clear. Making it perfect weather for pumpkin picking (although no one was in the mood for hot cider or any of the other typical fall foods). This is the fourth year we've traveled about 40 miles to the Belmont Pumpkin Farm in rural Mathews County. They set it up differently every year, but there's always a hay ride to the pumpkin patch to select the perfect gourd straight from the vine. It's my kind of fall day -- one that extends summer's good outdoor weather rather than signaling the end of the outdoor season.

Now what should we do on Sunday?

Shocking

2007-10-11T19:48:00.001-07:00

This is where I went to high school (graduated 1985). For the most part I hated it. By my senior year I finally figured out how to fake it and hang with the popular crowd. But basically for most of my years there I was at best invisible and at worst an outcast. At least that's the way I felt.

So I can sympathize with any kid who feels like they don't fit in there (or at any high school, for that matter).

But I still can't understand what happened at my high school today. A 14-year-old boy was arrested for planning what's been called a "Columbine-like" massacre, in which two boys shot and killed more than a dozen people. The 14-year-old had been home schooled since being bullied last year. And when he tried to recruit some help, the student he approached told his father, and the two of them called authorities. When police searched the 14-year-old's room in his home, they found an arsenal of guns, granades, knives, at least one of which was purchased for him by his mother. What was she thinking?

For more about the case, check out the Philadelphia Inquirer story online here:
http://www.philly.com/inquirer/breaking/news_breaking/20071011_High_school_open__teen_in_custody_as_threat_investigated.html

But what if the boy had succeeded? People all over the world would know PW (as we called it). If it ever came up in conversation that I went there, people would say "Oh yea, isn't that where a former student killed a bunch of classmates and teachers?"

I can still see the inside of the school (which has been renovated since I was there, so I imagine it looks different now). The hallways, my homeroom, the chemistry lab, the bathrooms. But now I can't help but imagine what I would do if there was a gunman in the school.

Behavior -- it's all my fault.

2007-10-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

I remember years ago noticing kids when Mike and I were out and about. Actually, I didn't notice kids. I just noticed the ones who were acting up. Ones who were loud. Ones who were excited. Ones who were out of control. Ones who were in some way disrupting the people around them.

And I'm ashamed to admit that I blamed the parents. I assumed that the parents were doing something wrong for their kids to act like that. I believed kids were Play Doh, entirely formed at the hands of their parents. I forgot that even Play Doh starts out with its own personality, its own color, even before any parental hands touch it.

Back then, if Niko (and Lena sometimes) had been out and about, I would have noticed him. And I would have blamed his parents.

That's me. And Mike.

In the 4 1/2 years since we've been parents, I've learned that kids are unique. They are who they are, a combination of the charasteristics they were born with and outside influences from family, friends, the media and others.

Even while I understand that and appreciate it, I can't help but be stressed and think people are looking at me when one of the kids acts up. I couldn't help but think that every note that Niko received about his behavior was a reflection on us. I know it's not true, but it's so hard when you're that close to step back.

And yet sadly, people blame -- and credit -- parents for their kids' behavior all the time. Even teachers, who should know better.

In fact, I was excited when we got a positive note (a form letter) home from Niko's art teacher. But the more I thought about it, the more it angered me. "Today your child made good choices, listened well, cooperated and worked very hard on art work. Thank you for raising such a responsible and respectful child." At first I was so excited to get anything that wasn't negative. But after thinking about it I got mad. Because Niko's successes should be about Niko. Not about me.

Boob update

2007-10-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

I finally talked to my doctor's office. First they didn't have the test results. Then it took hours for the diagnostic center to fax the report to my doctors again. After all this, I have to say that if stress burned calories I'd be a size 1 today. And yet I have to think how much worse it must be to actually get a diagnosis.

But at this point, what I've been told is that because my breasts are young and dense, there is an area in my right breast that they didn't get a good view of and they want another view and an ultrasound to try again. I go back on Thursday and then this stress will start all over again.

Three days of anxiety

2007-10-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

It was a coincidence that I had my first mammogram at the start of Breast Cancer Awareness month. Truth is, I had been putting it off for years. My doctor said he starts bugging his patients in their late 30s figuring that way they will get there by the time they are 40. And I guess I finally ran out of excuses for not going.

But I didn't really think much about it again until an envelope from the breast diagnostic center showed up in my mailbox on Saturday. I was shocked when I read that my test results indicated a need for further review. It freaked me out, and had me imagining all kinds of scenarios, some of them pretty scary.

That was three days ago. Obvously I coulnd't call my doctor on Saturday or Sunday. And no one returned my call today. I guess if I don't hear back tomorrow morning I'll have to call again. But I'm assuming that if my death was imminent I would have heard by now.

He did it!

2007-10-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

Niko earned his first smiley face slurpee today, with a record FOUR smiley faces on his daily report. His only frown -- for kissing two of the girls in his class. His teacher almost appologized for having to give him a frown for it. But while there is a sweetness to it, he needs to learn that he can't invade people's space like that.

But still, we went to talk with the school counselor this morning (I can't believe they actually have counselors on site in elementary schools these days. Back when I was in school...). Last week she spent about an hour observing Niko in the classroom and talking to his teachers. And she said we shouldn't worry, while he's a spirited, strong willed kid, he's going to do just fine. She said he appears to be a sweet boy, who is acting out because of his desire to be liked and not because he's mean. Truth is we didn't learn anything new from the meeting. But we weren't there so much to learn as we were there to show the school that we are active, involved parents who want to do what we can to help our kids succeed.

Today was also the day for the kids first parent-teacher conference. Niko's teacher said academically he falls in the middle of the class, that he got one capital letter and five lower cases letters mixed up when tested at the start of school She said he pays attention and enjoys the work they are doing. She was excited to show us his recent journal entry. Every day they have to write a sentence and draw a picture. Recently Niko wanted to put in the extra work to write two sentences in his journal.

Lena's teacher was a little less organized. She basically said Lena enjoys learning and thinks assignments through as she completes them. and she follows direction well.

X 4

2007-10-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

That's right. Niko got four smiley faces (out of five possible) on his daily report today. The note home from his teacher said he almost went to the treasure box today. Almost is quite an improvement from last week! I'm very proud of almost. And I tell Niko that if he keeps it up he'll get there soon!

Lighter note

2007-10-01T22:56:00.001-07:00

For those who check out my 365 blog (http://lisamikeplus365.blogspot.com), you already know we had a busy weekend. So busy, in fact, that Gregory missed his nap both days.

After Saturday's soccer game (our yellow team was easily a head shorter than most of the green team, which thrashed us. And the green team told us they were much smaller than the blue team, which beat them the week before. We're going to learn a lot about being a good loser, I think) we piled into the van and headed to the Neptune Festival in Virginia Beach. We had so much fun that Mike and I talked about getting a hotel room at the oceanfront next year so we can spend more time there.

We arrived just in time for the 90-minute parade. I'm a sucker for parades. All the flag twirlers remind me of my days in the high school band. And I love seeing all the kids -- from the 3-year-olds to the grownups -- strutting their stuff down the street. It always brings a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.

The festival even included a midway-style selection of carnival type rides. When I was a kid I always wanted to do one of these old-time slides, the ones where you sit on the potato sack. But I don't think I ever did. Niko loved it (Lena paid her tickets to do it but then refused to go down). Gregory and I rode a monkey ride that was much like the teacup rides you've seen elsewhere. I think the operator was bored. We were the only people riding, and he seemed to let it go for a long time.

It's funny though. We were there for four hours -- a record for us for an event like this -- and yet we never managed to get past a six-block stretch of the boardwalk. Getting the kids to move along was like hearding cats through a sea of mice.

Of course, it just reminds me that sometimes I need to think more like a kid. After all, it's not the destination, it's the journey. And if we had been focused on moving along rather than enjoying what we saw, we might have missed the opportunity to get some free popcorn and have our picture taken with friends.

Day four -- fourth note home

2007-10-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

It's amazing to me how stressed this kindergarten stuff is making me. I brace myself when I get out Niko's planner at the end of the day and check for a note home. And all last week I was depressed by what I found there.

So I almost didn't want to look when I got home from work today. And I wasn't surprised to find another note from a resource teacher there.

But I was surprised by what it said:

"Good Note home from the art room
Dear parents of Niko
Today your child made good choices, listened well, cooperated and worked very hard on art work. Thank you for raising such a responsible and respectful child."

He never ceases to amaze me -- just when you think you can predict what's going to happen, you are wrong.

As a reward, we gave him an extra nickel in what we've come to call his smile jar, getting him one nickel closer to going to get a slurpee.

Still, I'm glad I called the school counselor today and made an appointment for Monday morning. She told me she would talk to his teachers and observe Niko in class so she can get to know him. I told her we want to address any issues as they come up, but we also don't want school to be a bad experience. That afternoon we also have his parent-teacher conference. It'll be an interesting day.

Three days....

2007-09-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

three notes home from Niko's resource teachers.

I don't doubt Niko is getting out of control like the teachers have said in their notes. I don't disagree that it's unacceptable. But I have to wonder how these teachers are working with Niko to teach him appropriate behaviors. I fear they are writing him off as a troublemaker and giving up on him already. And I really don't want school to be a bad experience for him already.

After the note came home Thursday from Niko's music teacher, I started thinking about why he was having so many problems at the same time of day. I knew he had problems in the cafeteria in the past, and his resource class follows lunch. So I thought maybe he was getting wound up at lunch and he was taking it with him to his resource class. So I went to meet him at lunch on Friday. I've been meaning to do it since school started, so it was a good time to go. I went with Elena first -- her glass goes to lunch at 11:15 -- and I met up with Niko's class there at 11:25.

I think my being there was good on three fronts. First, the teachers and cafeteria monitors saw me there and knew we were involved in the kids education and trying to help Niko work on his behavior. Second, Niko and Lena obviously enjoyed having me there. And finally, I had a great time. I couldn't even eat my lunch because I was so busy chatting with the kids. They were so excited to have a mommy at their table.

I was hoping my presence would help Niko stay settled. And he did great at lunch -- he didn't get wound up at all. Of course, I learned that Niko has to eat at a table full of girls because he can get into trouble if he sits with boys.

But I guess my theory was wrong ... We got a note from the PE teacher Friday.

Dueling blogs

2007-09-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Want to hear the other side of our story? My husband Mike recently started a blog about our family from daddy's point of view. I imagine we will often write about the same events. It'll be interesting to see our different perspectives.

Check it out here:
http://web.mac.com/michaelfinneran/iWeb/FinnWorld/HOME.html
..and click on "Mike's Blog."

Oh, and meet Daddy. He's the boy, the only one who's not wearing a hat.

Life is a succession of lessons...

2007-09-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

... which must be lived to be understood (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

And I'm living and learning much now that Niko and Lena are in public school.

Niko is having an up and down time in school in all the predictable ways, and today was the second day in a row that we got a note sent home from one of his resource teachers. Yesterday it was the Spanish teachers. Today music. They both said basically the same things: he needs to sit in his seat, raise his hand, he won't answer when asked a question, he questions me in front of the other students.

I have some theories as to why he's having a harder time in the resource classes. He goes to his resource class for the day right from lunch -- unstructured time that can get Niko overstimulated even before he reaches the music room or spanish class. Resources classes are also a change from his regular classroom, which can throw Niko for a loop. And I have to wonder if because resource teachers teach K-5 if they aren't holding the bar a bit high for the ks.

Niko's lead teacher, who has been teaching kindergarten at Hilton Elementary for 19 years, says Niko has some learning to do, and that's what school is all about. But I've asked her to send home a daily report of his behavior so we can reinforce the good and talk about the rest, and the first one came home today. Today and yesterday he got a total of four smiley faces, two frowns and four in between.

Mike and I have decided to try a good cop-bad cop approach. I gave Niko a jar tonight. For every smiley face he gets on his daily report I'm going to put 5 cents in the jar. When he has $1 in the jar he can either have a slurpee or ice cream. Eventually I think we'll up the stakes, and take away 5 cents for every frown.

He's also going to start losing things he cares about if he gets another note home.

Lena said her class isn't going to recess again. It concerns me for all the reasons I noted before. But even more interesting was a conversation I had with Lena while I was tucking her in tonight. She told me that one of the boys in her class calls her a cry baby. She said she sometimes cries when she writes in the wrong place in her notebook. I told her if someone calls her a name, she should talk to her teacher. "I tried to, but she told me to tell her later, but then I forgot." I also told her there's no need to cry, that everyone makes mistakes, and that's how we learn. I'm not sure she bought it though.